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Make a Bold Resolution: No Buying on Impulse

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TIMES STAFF WRITERS

It’s the time to make New Year’s resolutions, and even veteran shoppers like us could use some improvement. Here are our 1991 resolutions for less pig-headed, cranky and calorie-filled shopping trips:

* We resolve to only buy what we can’t possibly live without and looks fantastic on us. We will ignore our mother’s voice echoing, “But those sensible beige mid-heel pumps are only $10!” and realize that nothing is a bargain if you never wear it. We swear we’ll never buy another thing on impulse again; it has to call our name and cry out to us to take it home.

* We resolve never, ever to say what we’d really like to say to the 39th salesclerk of the day who asks us: “Hi! How are you doing?” We’ll refrain from exploding: “‘We were doing just fine until 512 salesclerks inquired about the state of our mental health in the space of the last two hours.” Rather, we’ll calmly explain to their employers, “Stop instructing your sales staff to act like trained seals! Let your sales associates know that there are many, many ways to greet customers without sounding and looking like smiling robots. Use some discretion. If people look as if they want help, help them. If they look as if they want to be left alone, stay out of their faces.”

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* We resolve to eat before we shop, or plot other strategies that enable us to avoid the cholesterol courts at our favorite malls.

* We resolve not to buy anything (especially swimsuits, which are not always returnable) when we use shopping as an antidote to depression. While shopping provides a great temporary lift, we’ve noticed that things we buy when we don’t feel great look like they belong in Lisa Bonet’s wardrobe as soon as we get them home. Of course, we’ll still shop when we feel down--we just won’t bring any money, checks or credit cards with us.

* Conversely, we resolve to shop when we’re already feeling great. It’s amazing how being in a good mood when we start out affects whether we go home with gorgeous, perfect-fitting bargains . . . or Marge Simpson rejects.

* We resolve to be better customers, to thank salesclerks when they do a good job and to call or write the store manager when they do an exceptional one. If a clerk is harried because the store is understaffed, we won’t channel our anger and hostility toward him or her; it’s the manager’s job to have adequate help. And should we be treated unfairly by a salesperson, we will let the manager know right away that if the store doesn’t want our money, we’ll take it elsewhere.

* We resolve to be a more environmentally conscious shoppers. As much as we love collecting shopping bags, we realize that there are trees out there that deserve to live. A friend of ours found this enormous screaming yellow tote bag (pictured) at the new Ikea store in Burbank for a mere $2.50 that will carry a multitude of purchases. Even the most fervent shopper will be hard-pressed to fill it to capacity. We also resolve to let companies know when they are guilty of over-packaging their products; you know, a box inside a box inside a box, wrapped in plastic and then another box. Enough’s enough.

* We resolve not to force friends and family into accompanying us on shopping trips. No longer will we drag cranky toddlers, surly boyfriends, bored husbands or impatient siblings on our buying treks. If it means shopping alone, so be it. It’s a dirty job, but someone has to do it.

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* We resolve to abstain from shop-till-you-drop marathons unless they are absolutely necessary. Instead, we’ll shop more frequently for shorter durations. Too much shopping is like eating three corn-dogs-on-a-stick followed by a Mrs. Fields’ chaser; the memory lingers far too long.

* We resolve to rid our closets of those tired pouf skirts and give away other un-needed items to friends or charity more frequently. That way we’ll reap more pleasure and suffer less guilt when updating our wardrobes.

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