An Only Child No Longer : At Age of 48, Carson Woman Learns She Has a Brother

For 48 years, Joan Reiner thought she was an only child.

Then, four months ago, she received a letter from a man in Wisconsin who said he believed that she was his long-lost sister. Until then, she hadn’t even known that she had been adopted.

“When I read it, I just couldn’t talk,” said Reiner, a Carson parks and recreation supervisor. “I was devastated. My husband comes in and asks what’s wrong and I just pointed at the letter.”

The letter, written by Patrick Benish of Prairie du Chien, Wis., had been forwarded to Reiner by Social Security officials. Enclosed was a copy of a 10-page letter, written by an aunt in 1944.

The aunt’s letter, found by Benish’s daughter five years ago in an old book, detailed how two children born during World War II to a woman named Bernice Thorpe had been taken at different times from their mother by California authorities and placed for adoption.

Although Benish had learned three years earlier that he had a sister, the letter gave him clues that might help him to find her. Benish, who knew he had been adopted, recognized himself as Patrick Thorpe, one of the children mentioned in the letter. The other, Norma Jean Thorpe, would be his sister.

Benish had made some earlier inquiries about his sister but now he began his search in earnest. His five-year quest finally ended on Aug. 31, when Reiner received his letter.

Reiner, who has two grown sons and an adopted 17-year-old daughter, was at first reluctant to call Benish.

“I just had all these questions,” Reiner recalls. “How did this happen? When you’re somebody for 48 years, and you find out that you even had another name, how do you know this is true?”

Reiner overcame her initial anxieties and exchanged phone calls and letters with Benish and with two half-brothers.

Three weeks ago, Reiner met Benish for the first time when he flew to California with his wife and one of their three children. They had an emotional reunion in the front yard of Reiner’s Carson home.

“When we first met, we just sat there and cried for about a half-hour,” said Benish, contacted by telephone at his home. “We didn’t even go in the house.”

Benish, now 51, and his family visited with Reiner for about a week, meeting her children and filling in missing pieces of family history. Benish brought Reiner a photo album, containing pictures of their mother and two half-brothers. Reiner has met one of the half-brothers, a Marine gunnery sergeant who was recently ordered to the Middle East. The other lives in Kansas City.

“It’s still hard to believe,” Reiner says. “It’s like I’m going to wake up and it’s just a dream.”

Reiner said the experience has also enhanced her relationship with her daughter, who was adopted when she was 9 years old.

“It’s made us closer.”

The saga began to unfold in January, 1985, when Benish’s daughter, Wendy, was cleaning out her grandfather’s garage in Prairie du Chien. An avid reader, she said she was struck by a box of old books. One of the books, a novel called “The Silver Chalice,” contained folded-up letters. Among them was the 10-page letter, dated July 17, 1944.

It was addressed to Benish’s adopted mother, who also happened to be his aunt, and was written by another aunt. She described how state authorities had ruled that Thorpe was an unfit mother.

Although Benish was told when he was 12 that he was adopted, it was later in life that he found out the circumstances of his adoption. He also learned that he had two half-brothers, born to his mother in a later marriage. In 1982, he learned that he had a sister but no one could tell him how to find her.

By the time Benish found the letter, his adoptive mother had died.

“I brought the letter to my father and he said, ‘Let it be,’ ” Benish said.

Although Benish was in touch with his natural mother a few times over the years, she was unable to help him, and she died a few months later.

But Benish says he was determined to find out the truth.

The letter from his aunt said his sister had been baptized at St. Aloysius Church in Los Angeles and that her name was changed to Joan Yvonne Dodson when she was adopted. So, Benish tried calling all the Dodsons listed in Los Angeles-area phone directories.

It was a futile effort. Joan’s adoptive parents, Elmer and Vera Dodson, had lived in Compton, but Vera Dodson had remarried after her husband, a well-to-do executive with Texaco, died in 1960.

By the time Benish began his search, Reiner had married and was living in Carson.

As a last resort, Benish tried to locate his sister through the Social Security Administration. Because of the circumstances, agency officials agreed to forward a note from Benish along with the letter from their aunt. But they insisted on several conditions: The agency would not disclose Reiner’s address, nor would officials tell Benish if she had received the letters. It would be up to Reiner to determine whether to reply.

Reiner received the letter on Aug. 31, when she returned home from vacation. At first, she thought it was a cruel joke.

“It’s like reading a book, and you really get into the book, but you’re the main character,” Reiner said. “I didn’t know what to believe.”

Her adoptive mother had died in 1983. Reiner called her mother’s cousin, who confirmed the letter’s contents, but advised Reiner not to call.

Reiner said she spent a sleepless night wrestling with her emotions. But she called Benish the next morning.

Said Reiner: “His daughter answered and asked, ‘Who’s calling?’ I said, ‘My name’s Joan Yvonne Dodson,’ and she started screaming, ‘It’s her, it’s her.’ ”

Reiner, now 49, says the news of her adoption was difficult to accept.

“The first month, it was very, very hard for me to talk about because my whole life was just turned completely upside down,” Reiner said. “But the letter helped me understand that somebody wanted me and cared about who got me. And it was a good choice of parents. But it is very strange.”