Pilot Takes Potshots

Here’s one publication a flight attendant won’t offer you: Capt. Fury’s Advice Column.

Written by a pilot “who is Chairman (Robert L.) Crandall’s worst nightmare come true,” the satirical underground newsletter takes aim at the American Airlines executives who are leading the stormy contract talks with pilots.

A recent issue offers for auction chain-smoking Crandall’s exercise treadmill “complete with nicotine stains” and a special high-power telescope “that lets you actually see the 8,500 (butts) in Mr. Crandall’s office.” It also puts up for bid general counsel Anne McNamara’s “rattlesnake briefcase” with a handle “fashioned from a pair of brass knuckles.”

Nor is the pilots union spared. Capt. Fury offers a “do-it-yourself pilot lawsuit kit” that shows pilots how to sue each other without a lawyer. Warns the anonymous Capt. Fury: “Be advised: It is necessary to set aside your empty platitudes on unity before using one of these kits.”

Profits We Shouldn’t Stomach

There’s plenty to worry about these days, but worries can be good news for at least one industry.

The antacid market, which grew an estimated 5% in 1990, is expected to grow 50% between now and 1995, when sales of antacids will hit $1.14 billion, according to Packaged Facts Inc., a New York-based research firm.

Facing up to things like war, the poor economy, homelessness and labor strife “is going to be very stressful, to say the least,” said David A. Weiss, the research firm’s president. “As America keeps bubbling, so will its stomachs, and so will the antacid category.”

Besides bad news, another thing expected to drive the growth of antacids will be the introduction of so-called H-2 blockers--a remedy used in prescription anti-ulcer medications--into over-the-counter drugs.