Pickup Artists Find Splendor in the Grass, Not in Each Other’s Names

If you scoop up dog droppings for a living, it’s best to develop a sense of humor.

Take the case of Poop Patrol and Pet Poop Patrol, two San Diego companies competing for the right to clean up after San Diego County’s estimated 200,000 dogs.

Listen to the messages on their phone answering machines.

Poop Patrol: “We’re out picking up what your dog left behind.”

Pet Poop Patrol: “One dog, one pickup a week, $10 per month, it’s a no-brainer.”

Get through to the owners and you’ll find more well-honed wit.

“Business is picking up,” said Paula Page, co-owner of Poop Patrol.

“I’m an entre-manure,” said Paul Nagel, co-owner of Pet Poop Patrol.

But there is one thing the two rivals are not joking about: the similarity in their names. Both are growling about unleashing their lawyers.

“It was our name first,” Page said. “Pet Poop Patrol stole our name. I have no use in talking to them.”

“It was our name first,” Nagel said. “Poop Patrol is guilty of back-stabbing, deceit and lying.”

Each company claims that it alone has mastered the technique of removing the droppings--cleanly, swiftly and completely. For dog owners who don’t have the time or stomach to do their own dirty work.

“We know all our dogs’ names, better than we do our customers’ names,” said Page, whose company claims 60 to 70 customers. “We have developed an eye for finding all the poops in your back yard.”

“We don’t see ourselves just as poop removers,” said Nagel, whose company claims 79 customers. “We’re a canine environmental maintenance service.”

To avoid confusion, Nagel has decided to change its name to Doggie-Doo Dudes, a division of Pet Poop Patrol. He hopes to franchise his business and is doing test-marketing in Orange County and Los Angeles:

“We feel those are very big poop areas.”

For God and My Harley

The big city.

* Morale booster.

American Motorcycle in Vista is sending Harley-Davidson catalogues and T-shirts to Saudi Arabia in response to a letter from a Harley-sick Marine.

Wrote Marine Cpl. Mark McIntire:

“What better reason to get up and fight for your country in the morning but to roll over and see a picture of your girl and your hawg?”

* Valentine’s Day rub-a-thon: from kneading to needy.

America Spa and Mueller College of Massage, both in San Diego, will join the nationwide Massage Day on Feb. 14, donating the day’s proceeds to the homeless.

* Flags and bombs.

Someone is swiping the small blue and pink flags put out by the company that is clearing Tierrasanta of buried ordnance. The flags mark environmentally sensitive patches.

The Army Corps of Engineers warns that swiping the flags means the whole area has to be re-examined, which slows everything down.

All Bets Are Off

Watch out for grumpy Giant fans who bet on their favorites in the Super Bowl but now won’t get a payoff.

On Sunday, just hours before the big game, San Diego vice cops raided the delicatessen, home and video store of Phong Than Vo, 34.

At Vo’s home in Serra Mesa, cops say, they found betting slips, $10,746 in cash and $38,000 in cashier’s checks.

Vo was slapped with felony bookmaking charges for sports. Not for the first time, either.

On Dec. 29, three days before the college bowl games, cops made similar raids on Vo’s property, seizing $9,500 in cash.

Super Bowl? College bowl games? Do the cops plan another raid on Vo before the next big sports extravaganza, the NCAA basketball tournament in March?

“If he’s back in business,” vice Sgt. D. L. Martin said, “we’ll be there.”