Torrent of Ideas to Save Every Precious Drop of Water

Saving water is not only patriotic, it’s a matter of self-preservation. It is hideous to contemplate the effect of complete drought on one’s life.

The day the taps run dry will be a disaster for every person living in the metropolis. The scenario is pure horror.

First, there would be no drinking water. Those who use bottled water could hold out for a week or two. My wife and I might survive a few days on diet Pepsi and other soft drinks and the various mixes we keep for alcohol. I might extend that by drinking pure gin and vodka.

Sooner or later, though, we would become dehydrated; our tongues would go dry; we would end up groveling on the kitchen floor, empty glasses in our hands.

We could manage without showers. In medieval times people went for days without bathing. In the movies we have seen Gary Cooper and Paulette Goddard tramping through the wilderness with no baths but an occasional splash in a stream. Meanwhile, they manage to embrace and fall in love.

I have decided to shower three days a week at the Pasadena Athletic Club after my workouts, thus using their water instead of ours.

For us civilized urbanites, a dry toilet would be a real hardship--second only to the absence of drinking water. We would have to build a privy in the back yard.

I’m afraid my wife’s garden would wither and die. It suffered enough during the eight months of our remodeling project. But recently, looking forward to its renaissance, she installed a new sprinkling system. Alas, it will be among the first amenities to go. Also she will have to give up her new washing machine.

In small ways we are doing what we can to conserve water. Of course, dishes must be washed, but we are thinking of going to paper plates and plastic flatware. Since we eat microwave meals for dinner, I have suggested eating them right out of the cardboard or plastic boxes they come in.

We have no idea how much water we used in March, 1986, compared with what we are likely to use this month. We already had our swimming pool in 1986, so keeping it up to level shouldn’t cause us to surpass our limit. However, in a drought, one must feel guilty adding water to a swimming pool. If the level is not kept up, though, the filtering system won’t work, and the pool will go to algae.

I’ve thought of using the pool water to irrigate the garden, but of course it is chlorinated, and I doubt that chlorine would be good for the plants.

I have hit upon one simple measure that I think will not only save water, but might also help the garden. I’m told that our toilet uses four gallons per flush. When you think how many times a day we flush, the figure becomes unconscionable.

My wife goes to work most days, but I am at home all day and make numerous trips to the bathroom.

However, I have hit upon a perfectly simple solution to this problem, one that I recommend to all men. Instead of going to the bathroom I simply go out on the terrace and use my wife’s garden. It is not only easy, it gives me a refreshing moment in the outdoors, and there is the added bonus that it irrigates the flowers.

I hadn’t told my wife about this expedient until I had been doing it for several days. Then I resorted to it one day after she got home and she saw me.

“What are you doing?” she demanded, as if she couldn’t see.

I told her.

“What are you doing it on?” she asked.

“I don’t know what they are,” I admitted. “Pansies. Tulips. Marigolds.”

“Don’t you think that will kill them?” she said.

“I doubt it,” I said. “Probably be good for them.”

I suppose I will have to get some expert opinion. I’d hate to give it up.

However, my wife’s catching me at it raised another possibility in my mind. Several houses on the crest of the hill above our canyon have a direct view of our terrace. They are a long way off and I doubt that their tenants could see me very well, but of course if they wanted to use binoculars they’d have me.

That has made me a little self-conscious when I’m practicing the system. But if any of my neighbors want to report me for exposure, I’ll remind them that they don’t have to look, and that I’m engaged in a patriotic act for the benefit and greater well-being of us all.