This emergency meeting of the Society for...

This emergency meeting of the Society for the Preservation of Parents and Sanity is now in session. Because of the special nature of this gathering, we’ll dispense with the roster and the reading of the minutes.

Let’s get down to business.

As the members know, spring break is at hand. School is out. Madness is in the air. We don’t have to remind anyone that these are times that can try a bishop’s soul.

You’ve all tried the Disney video bit. As for Raffi, God bless him, the man means well. But if we have to hear one more of his songs within the four walls of our house, we’re going to do some major damage.

Those with more than two children have it especially tough. After a while, even the zone defense breaks down. Just ask Mr. Turner there, sitting in the back row. He’s the father of four, all of ‘em boys. That’s him on the right, drooling. Mrs. Turner, we’re happy to report, will be on outpatient status in a few months. She’s made great progress.

Briefly, some old business. As you recall, at our last meeting Mrs. Hilgard suggested that we hand out musical instruments to the children to get them away from the televisions. We would like to remind the members that derisive hooting and spitting is not an appropriate response. Mrs. Hilgard, by the way, is no longer with us.

Now, about this rumor of rain . . . please, please! Would the members come to order? . . . Quiet, please! . . . The chair recognizes that this topic causes great consternation among the ranks. We’ll move on to other matters.

The Los Angeles City Recreation and Parks Department will operate day camp programs for children on spring break Monday through Friday at many locations. For information, call (213) 485-5555.

The Westchester Recreation Center’s five-day Spring Camp will be open 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. Monday through Friday. Extended hours are available. The fee is $60. Extra charges for additional care. For information call (213) 670-7473.

The Beverly Hills Recreation and Parks Department is organizing trips to Disneyland, Magic Mountain and Knott’s Berry Farm for children in grades 4 through 8. Trips depart from Roxbury Community Center. For information, call (213) 550-4761.

Finally, the Westside Arts Center is offering special art classes this week for children ages 4 through 12 at the Santa Monica Pier, lower level, from 10 a.m. to noon or 1 to 3 p.m. Monday through Friday. Preregistration required. The fee is $12 per two-hour class. For information call (213) 395-1443.