Chamber Stormin’ Over Job Letter to Schwarzkopf

If Gen. H. Norman Schwarzkopf can wage war so successfully as commander of U.S. forces in the Persian Gulf conflict, then just maybe he’s the man to bring peace and safety to Hollywood.

That, apparently, was what one board member of the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce was thinking when he wrote Schwarzkopf and told him that job of president of the beleaguered business organization is open.

“This job would be another war of sorts,” wrote Michael Kellerman, a marketing consultant. “Hollywood is one of the most famous and recognized cities in the world with over 12 million visitors each year, and when these people come here they find it doesn’t live up to their expectations.

“Your job,” Kellerman continued, “would be to kick butt and inspire the community to live up to the name and make Hollywood a clean and safe place.”

Kellerman also told the commander of Operation Desert Storm that the chamber job pays $100,000 a year “with a very liberal expense package.”

Schwarzkopf plans to retire later this year and has said he is looking for a new challenge.

Kellerman wrote the letter without the approval of the chamber’s leadership, which was not amused. Kellerman was officially reprimanded by the chamber’s chairman, who called the March 18 letter, “totally inappropriate and improper.”

Whoever takes over the 1,400-member chamber will have their work cut out for them. The group has been beset by legal and financial problems for years and has been divided into warring factions that differ sharply over the booster organization’s role in shaping Hollywood as it undergoes a city-engineered $922-million redevelopment effort.

Although Kellerman’s letter is unlikely to result in an application from Schwarzkopf, it may produce some takers.

When told of the job’s six-figure salary, one Defense Department official at the Pentagon exclaimed: “I’m available. To hell with Schwarzkopf! My dad went to Hollywood High School--does that make me eligible?”