High Life A WEEKLY FORUM FOR HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS : Prom Hoopla and Hype Put Many Students to the Test : Culture: The planning, worrying and spending that go into the event often turn it into a disappointment, but it doesn’t have to be that way.

Prom.

Many adults say it was the biggest night of their high-school careers. And many teen-agers hope it will be the biggest night of theirs. But what many fail to mention is how the weeks before the prom can be the hardest, most grief-filled time of their high-school days.

It seems that so much emphasis is placed on simply attending the prom that few stop to question whether the evening will really be much fun. The prom has become such an institution that students often think just because it’s “the prom,” it guarantees a perfect night. Others see it as it can be--a good high-school memory.

“Prom is what you make it,” says Patty Newkam, a senior who will be attending El Toro High School’s prom May 18 at the Disneyland Hotel.

Leslee Scheckman, who says she had a ball at her prom, objects to the torment students put themselves through over getting a date for the evening.

“Prom should just be one big party, where all the seniors get together and have fun before everyone goes their separate ways,” says Scheckman, who lives in El Toro and is the director of the Ronkin Educational Group, specializing in college and test counseling for high school students. “No one should need a date . . . girls should dance with girls, guys should dance with guys, whatever.”

Isn’t the point of the prom to spend a special evening with a special person?

A number of El Toro students are planning to attend the prom with a date described as merely a “friend.” One senior said he thought his friends were acting stupid because “they don’t want to go unless it’s with someone special.”

But El Toro junior Julie Lindeboom, who says she won’t be attending because the only person she would want to go with lives too far away, said, “I really think it’s stupid for someone to ask a friend just so they can say, ‘I’m going to the prom.’ ”

For those who are still agonizing over missing the biggest night of their high-school careers, don’t worry. Maybe it isn’t the night for you anyway.

“I’ve had a lot of people tell me that they didn’t have that much fun,” said junior Julie Park, who agreed at the last minute to attend El Toro’s prom. “The point of it is that it’s a once-in-a-lifetime thing, and people feel like they have to go just to go.”

And is a requirement for this big evening spending as much money as possible so the participants can wear a tuxedo or formal, ride in a limousine and eat at a fancy restaurant?

“Prom is a really special night, but I don’t think it’s worth $1,000,” said senior Colby Mahar, El Toro’s homecoming queen this past year. “I think you spend a lot of the money because of your friends. You want to ride in a limo with your friends, you want a nice dress, a nice dinner, a hotel room afterwards. . . . I don’t know if it’s worth the money, but it will be a lot of fun.”

Terry Tenney, a social science teacher at Dana Hills High School, said some of his students are planning to make a statement about the expenses.

“A bunch of girls were going to go in Levis,” he said. “A lot of them backed out, but some are still determined to go.”

Keith Sims, activities director at El Toro High School, expects about two-thirds of the junior and senior classes to attend the prom this year.

“People want to say, ‘Hey, I remember prom.’ They remember certain things from high school, and prom is one of the biggest,” Sims said.

“Students place so much emphasis on outside activities (limousine, dinner, etc.), they’ve lost sight of the prom itself.”

“Prom is a very important part of high school, but everyone talks about it so much that it takes the fun out of it,” says Dennis Schaffer, an El Toro senior who said he won’t be attending the prom because he doesn’t have anyone special he wants to go with.

“Some people put prom as a top priority in high school. . . . They really have their priorities out of whack.”