They Don’t Conserve Strength of Opinion: It’s Gross Not to Hustle

OK, so Kevin Gross doesn’t bother to run out a grounder so he can conserve his energy, is booed by the fans but defended by his manager and teammates. Good. So here are a few more tips on how to conserve even more energy:

1. Don’t even bother to swing the bat. That takes a certain amount of effort and, worse, you might actually get a hit, and then what?

2. Try at all costs not to get on base. This contradicts No. 1 because it will require swinging and purposely missing so as to strike out.

3. If for some freak reason, you actually make it to first, then we’ve got a problem. Only Murray, Daniels or Strawberry will be permitted to swing, and only if they can guarantee a home run. Then you can wait at first while one of them trots by, picks you up and carries you around the bases.

There are more tips, but let’s learn to walk before we run.

MICKEY ROSE, Beverly Hills