CLIQUES

In Los Angeles, water conservation is found in the most unexpected places, including the induction ceremony of the 20-year-old Brotherhood of the Knights of the Vine. The medieval hierarchy of knights, ladies and assorted scribes and provosts meets six times a year for wine tastings and guest speakers, but their devotion to the grape is most apparent at the “Grand Assemblage.” First, the commander invokes a few wine deities, rallying defense against wine’s “sworn enemies”--prohibitionists, drinkers of designer water and those with liver ailments. Then he lists wine’s attributes: “perpetual source of inspiration,” “educator of the mind” and “hope of humanity.” Then the provost general pours tap water (1991) into a goblet and barks:

“While facing this limpid water, insipid water, sir, what are your thoughts? It is a vulgar product, damp and crawling with microbes. Pah! We call it frog juice. Do you promise nevermore to mix this with the sweet juice of the grape?”

“I promise,” says inductee Robert Stashak, a champagne master at Korbel winery.

“Ah! We declare that the candidate has met the cruel test of water!”

Next is the not-so-cruel test of imbibing ample amounts of wine from an oversized vat. After shouts of “Per Vitem! Ad Vitam!” the rite is over.

Can an end to our drought be far away?