Rams Lift Their Level of Play to New Height of Dumbness

“Well, we’ve got to be the dumbest bunch of guys in the world.”

--John Robinson,

late Sunday afternoon,

after yet another Ram defeat.

Define dumb.

The Rams know a few things. For instance, they know who’s undefeated in Anaheim Stadium since 1986 (the New Orleans Saints), they know how to spell last place in the NFC West (R-A-M-S), they know what happens when you play nine games and the other team shows up every time (3-6), and they know what it will take to get them into the playoffs now (1992).

Refine dumb?

That’s where the Rams really made their mark Sunday.

Once there was a time when the Rams could fit their weekly ration of dumbness into the bottom of a Gatorade cup. Cleveland Gary breaks into the end zone but forgets to bring the football with him. Somebody else forgets the cover in kickoff coverage. Just enough dumbness to keep the Rams winless.

Now, the Rams compile entire lists on the subject and don’t just stop at the Top 10. “I can’t add them up for you,” Robinson said of the plays that produced the latest act of futility, a 24-17 loss to the Saints, but we can.

In chronological order, an order form for defeat:

1. On the third play of the game and his first pass of the game, Ram quarterback Jim Everett finds Vince Buck all alone in the New Orleans secondary. Usually, you can find Buck there; it’s his customary place of employment. Six plays after the interception, Morten Andersen kicks a field goal and the Rams are down, 3-0.

2. Everett finds the right guy, Robert Delpino, open near the left sideline. Delpino catches a short pass, gets a big block from Jim Price and has nothing but green grass in front of him. “I thought it was a touchdown,” said Delpino, who needed to gain 83 yards on the play. He got 78 of them before Saints safety Gene Atkins caught him from behind and dragged him down at the five. “I didn’t even know (Atkins) was there,” Delpino said. “I should have started high-stepping around the 10.”

3. Instead, the Rams step backward. On third and goal from the three, New Orleans linebacker Pat Swilling sacks Everett for an 11-yard loss. Rams settle for a field goal and trail, 10-3, after one quarter.

4. The Rams tie the score on a two-yard run by Delpino and force a New Orleans punt with 46 seconds left in the half. With 34 seconds left, Everett passes to Price. Price makes the catch, falls to the turf--and Atkins gets a hand in. Football is pried loose, Saints recover at their 44. Everett cries dead ball, but officials and Price disagree. “I wasn’t down,” Price said. “It’s my job to hang onto the ball. I just didn’t do it.”

5. The Saints have 22 seconds to play with. They need only 12. After a 25-yard connection with Eric Martin, Steve Walsh lobs it up for rookie Wesley Carroll at the left goal-line flag. Michael Stewart and Darryl Henley have Carroll covered like a blanket--made of mesh. The ball slips through a maze of arms and hands and Carroll winds up on his back, on the long end of a 31-yard scoring play. “I thought our guys had it,” Robinson said with a sigh. “Then the referee raises his hands. What can you say?”

6. The Rams’ first possession of the second half reaches the Saints’ 30-yard line. On second and five, Everett throws for tight end Damone Johnson, but the ball’s a floater. Atkins steps in to pick it off and runs it back to the Ram 48. “I wish I had that one back,” Everett says.

7. Everett throws another interception, except Flipper Anderson, back from a month’s inactivity, wrestles it away from Buck and the play goes down as a 41-yard completion. A break for the Rams, but do they know what to do with it? On third and three from the New Orleans six, Delpino runs a pass pattern right up the back of offensive tackle Gerald Perry, clearing another path for another Swilling sack of Everett. This time, Swilling jars the ball loose and the Saints recover at the 15.

8. The score is still 17-10, 5 1/2 minutes into the fourth quarter, and Walsh does some wishful throwing on third and nine, putting the ball up for grabs. Intended receiver Eric Martin stands 6-1, intended defender Henley 5-9. It’s a game of inches. Martin makes the catch for a 22-yard gain and a first down.

9. Walsh picks on Henley again, this time on third and four from the Ram 40. Pass falls incomplete, but Henley pushes tight end John Tice on the play. Pass interference, first down on the Ram 33.

10. One-yard gain on the next play, but 15-yard personal foul citation against Ram tackle Chris Pike. First down on the Ram 16. Two plays later, touchdown, Buford Jordan, from the Ram 11.

11. Everett-to-Anderson for 15 yards cuts it to 24-17 with 2:39 left. With 2:15 left, the Saints looked stalled at their 20, third and six. Look again. Martin gets a step on safety Pat Terrell across the middle and completes a 19-yard drive sustainer. By the time the Rams get the ball back, they have 55 seconds and no timeouts left.

12. The Rams should have gotten the ball back at their 20, but Terrell is flagged for a personal foul on the punt return. Ten-yard penalty, 90 yards now to tie.

13. Thirty-seven seconds left. Everett passes to Price, who gets to the Ram 40, angles for the sideline and then, abruptly, veers inside. Price is tackled at the 48 and by the time Everett can re-assemble the offense to spike the football, only nine seconds remain. “In a situation like that, you need a big play and I was trying to get us 12 or 15 extra yards,” Price said. “It’s a gamble you take. That one didn’t pay off.”

From there, all Everett can do is loft a couple of prayers. Neither has much of a chance and the final one lands in the arms of Buck as the gun sounds.

“That was our biggest giveaway of the year,” Everett said. “If you were looking for an example of us handing away a game on a silver platter, this was it.”

Dumb?

The Rams got numb just thinking about it.