More than one football coach has penned...

More than one football coach has penned newspaper stories criticizing his team on the locker-room wall to inspire his players. On the eve of the Trojans-Bruins game, USC’s Larry Smith may be the first to post a page from a telephone directory.

We kid you not: On page 10 of Pac Bell’s “Smart” Yellow Pages for the Beverly Hills/Westside area, there is a section on UCLA headlined: “L.A.’s Premier University.” The school is referred to as a “local treasure.”

How could a public utility take such a position? Was the propaganda smuggled into the directory by a Bruin alum at Pac Bell? Spokesman Michael Runzler isn’t sure. But, he said, “this was obviously written by someone who’s never had the benefit of visiting USC.”

Runzler is a Trojan alum.

The phone book’s UCLA testimonial could be what athletes call “pay-back” for a bizarre Pac Bell ZIP Code map in a recently issued Airport Area directory. The map labels the campus above Westwood as that well-known local treasure, “USC.”

If you had any doubts about how difficult it is to stay in style in L.A., consider the license plate that reader Steve Morris saw on a Mercedes Benz. Its plaintive message was:

REQDNLA.

For some reason, Mercedes Benz sightings make us think of Beverly Hills. In that burg, the trendy store Camp Beverly Hills is holding a Thanksgiving food drive for the homeless--and having little success.

What’s more (or, less), some of the contributions left in the bins by the store entrance haven’t exactly been staples, said spokeswoman Tracy Marsh. She added: “We’ve gotten sauerkraut, pickles, jalapeno jelly and sliced button mushrooms.”

Well, they are REQD in Beverly Hills.

We were surprised to read of the recent cutbacks of the staff of Geraldo Rivera’s “Now It Can Be Told” TV show. His staff of investigators has already built up quite a reputation. For instance, awhile back one of the show’s sleuths phoned a Times reporter and asked him how to reach City Councilman Zev Yaroslavsky.

Norman Sklarewitz of North Hollywood characterizes the following as “possible evidence of congressional cutbacks on foreign aid.”

He saw a motor scooter on La Cienega Boulevard that had a consular license plate.

Don’t tell Santa:

The Burbank branch of Ikea, the Scandinavian furniture retailer, serves up this dish in its cafeteria:

“Reindeer Platter” ($3.75).

miscelLAny:

The longest distance ever walked on stilts was 3,008 miles from L.A. to Bowen, Ky., by Joe Bowen in 1980. It took him five months.