A New Home : Holidays Can Be Time for Re-evaluating Living On Own

The holiday season is bursting out all over. It seems only yesterday that we debated Christopher Columbus’ place in history and sorted through Halloween decorations in the shops. Now, the grand finale: Thanksgiving today, Hanukkah next week and then Christmas and New Year’s.

But Thanksgiving is much more than the bridge between “trick or treat” and the new year’s noisy arrival. It is holiday without a religious denominational stamp, yet an opportunity to count our blessings. A celebration that, for many, centers around family, friends, good feelings and fine food.

While most may relish this day, some want to see it pass quickly.

Thanksgiving for those who are alone can be very, very sad. Too many of our “shades of gray” generation do not have family close by; for them, the day can spell isolation and loneliness.

The old-fashioned celebration that included every member of our large, extended family is not easily duplicated today. Once upon a time, relatives lived physically close--not so today. The blessings of modernity have taken their toll on the family.

For some, today will become a day of decision. Because of the loneliness and complications that Thanksgiving can bring, it is not unusual for it to precipitate a re-evaluation of living arrangements.

Holidays can signal that it is time to let go of the responsibilities and isolation that can accompany living alone. For some seniors, the time will now be right to move into a retirement center, where interests can more easily be shared, where peers can be found, where friendly support exists along with tangible services. Where there are no lawns to cut, no heavy-duty housework, no sudden home repair expenses.

Retirement centers are not nursing homes, though some do include nursing units. They do not require abandoning one’s independence. What they do is provide many on-site benefits for active people: a dining room or a cafeteria, game rooms, trips and entertainment, lectures and arts and crafts, personal services (such as non-medical supervision of medications), transportation for shopping, holiday celebrations.

Community living can be a healthy alternative to living alone. A variety of retirement centers exist in North County to meet a range of senior needs. One can live as part of a community, participate in specific activities or find involvement in the general community. But one is always able to shut one’s front door and maintain privacy and control over lifestyle and calendar.

And, to whatever degree one chooses, there are opportunities to celebrate the holidays with other residents.

Most homes provide a gala, traditional Thanksgiving dinner for those who have not made plans. A special musical program is frequently part of the celebration. One does not have to go out and look for dinner companions. And no one need be lonely.

Prior to Christmas, The Courtyard in San Marcos sets up a “Ho-Ho Hotline” linking residents and neighborhood children. From Dec. 10-20, residents who have been especially trained for the purpose talk by telephone with area youngsters and answer their questions about Christmas, Santa . . . anything. This intergenerational activity brings fun and satisfaction on both ends of the call, according to Courtyard spokesman Kelly Ferin.

Redwood Terrace in Escondido is a resident-governed retirement facility. It includes units for those who do not require the help of others, for those requiring minimum assistance (supervision during bathing, monitoring of medication) and for those needing nursing care. Committees of residents ensure a smooth-running facility, which, around the holidays, includes putting up outdoor decorations and baking treats to be shared. This year, the staff plans to give the residents a talent show. Early in December, a dessert buffet will launch the holiday and, as Christmas approaches, residents will attend concerts and go out to see decorations from North County to Coronado.

Vanessa Mihailovich, an activities leader at Redwood Terrace, said independent residents are often eager to be part of the general community and find their own courses, concerts and artistic fulfillment off-site. On the other hand, many are deeply involved in the running of the facility and are eager to serve on committees. The drive for continued independence is expressed in concern for the group’s welfare as well as their own.

Seacrest Village in Encinitas has a nursing facility as well as a section for active seniors called Garden Court. Bernice Applebaum, Recreational coordinator for Garden Court, is planning programs for each of the eight nights of Hanukkah. These will include an evening when children from the San Diego Jewish Academy and their parents visit the facility, bless the Hanukkah candles and sing holiday songs. On another night, an Israeli couple will offer a concert. On yet another, residents will attend a “Blended Voices” concert, which combines choirs from churches and a synagogue for a program of Christmas and Hanukkah songs.

The holidays are vitally important, but as we seniors grow older, there are fewer opportunities to celebrate as we did in the old days. Our families are scattered; many of our closest friends have died. We must adjust to this reality.

Retirement homes have the potential to provide us with new relationships, challenges, security and satisfactions. Still, discovering one that meets individual requirements and financial capabilities is not an easy task.

In San Diego County, there are a large number and variety of homes, 22 in North County alone. Some provide private kitchens; many offer sectarian or nondenominational religious services; some have health care services “on campus.” There are beauty shops and game rooms at some sites; physical therapy is frequently available. Housekeeping and security systems are included in most facilities. Some provide rate reductions for people who receive Social Security Supplementary Income.

The book “Carefree Living” is a guide for active seniors who are searching for a retirement residence. It is published by ReVisions Resources, a nonprofit organization in San Diego that provides market research and analysis for senior health care and housing industries.

Edited by Liliane Choney, the book contains descriptions of available units, costs, meals and special services. It is best used in conjunction with personal visits to the facilities. The book can be purchased for $12.95 at B Dalton bookstores; Upstart Crow; the Southern Caregiver Resource Center (268-4432), or from ReVisions Resources, 3505 Camino del Rio South, Suite 100, San Diego 92108-4204, phone 281-6400.