In a Way, It Is Still Showtime

Magic Johnson dropped by the Forum the other night to occupy a seat on the Laker bench during a game against the Sacramento Kings. He had more movement than most of the Kings.

Before the game, there was an informal state-of-the-Magic address. He looked fine, sounded fine and seemed fine, particularly for a guy accused by the National Enquirer of everything but having a baby with Warren Beatty.

The only moment when everybody wondered about Magic’s state of mind was when he said he wouldn’t mind buying the Rams. Poor kid. Must be delirious.

Otherwise, he was the same old No. 32, sitting around talking about a number of things, including old No. 33.

Here’s a quick summary of the subjects covered by Magic:

How does he feel?

Good, he said. “Hey, I’m here, I’m living and I’m going to be here for a long, long time.”

Playing any basketball?

So far, rumors have Magic playing again for the Lakers, playing in the NBA All-Star game, playing in the NBA playoffs, playing in the Olympics and buying an NBA franchise. He wasn’t this active when he was playing.

How does he feel about Kareem Abdul-Jabbar playing basketball?

Sentimental. Touched. Only thing is, he simply can’t picture Kareem with the Minnesota Timberwolves.

What team will Magic buy?

He ought to buy the Orlando Magic. Their uniforms and stationery are already monogrammed.Magic could do TV commercials and say: “I liked their name so much, I bought the company.”

Magic also expressed interest in buying the Sacramento Kings. He should wait until after Christmas, when prices for junk are marked down.

Does Magic have enough money?

To buy, say, Switzerland, no. But to buy, say, the Lakers, he could probably do it with a Discover card and two IDs.

Chances are, Magic could make phone calls tomorrow to Bruce McNall, Wayne Gretzky, Arsenio Hall, Jack Nicholson, John McEnroe, Johnny Carson and Abdul-Jabbar and buy any property on Earth that doesn’t have oil underneath. Magic also could call Donald Trump, but he isn’t speaking to Donald Trump.

Will Magic play in the Olympics?

Why not? We’ll probably see more of Magic and Vlade Divac in Barcelona than we do in Inglewood. Personally, I think Magic’s missing the point. He keeps saying he’s never been to an Olympics, so that would be a thrill. I say, he’s won everything else in basketball, so why doesn’t he try out for the Olympics in another sport?

I mean, would the U.S.A. kick some booty in team handball, or what?

Elsewhere around the NBA today:

How’s Isiah Thomas?

If he had a small orange ball on his face instead of a nose, we could pump some air back into his head.

Karl Malone really knocked the cuckoo out of Isiah’s clock. Forty stitches, ow! Isiah was expecting a mailman to come knocking at Christmas, but this is ridiculous. He did everything but stamp Isiah’s head: FRAGILE.

One minute, Karl was playing basketball. Next minute, he turned into Mailman Malone, American Gladiator.

For what he did, Malone was fined $10,000. For doing it to a Detroit Piston, I would have thought that would have been his reward.

Have you read “The Jordan Rules?”

No. But I understand the book has many surprises. For example, Michael Jordan reportedly punched out teammate Will Perdue. It takes courage to attack somebody with size-22 feet. Last time anything like that happened, it was when the people of Tokyo were attacked by that giant lizard.

Another surprise in the book is where Jordan apologizes for not going to the White House to meet with President Bush but vows to go there next year to meet with President Tsongas.

Have you read “The Barkley Rules?”

That’s not what it’s called. Charles Barkley’s autobiography is titled “Outrageous.” The subtitle, of course, is: “I Spit on Your Child.”

In one chapter of his Satanic verses, Barkley refers to himself as the Ninth Wonder of theWorld. What’s the eighth--Stevie?

NBA biography action, it’s fantastic. Pretty soon, Magic Johnson, No. 32, age 32, will produce his third biography since ending his two years of college.

He didn’t ask me to write it, so I’ll fix him. I’m negotiating with Sedale Threatt.