COMMENTARY ON THE HOLIDAYS : For Us, It’s Happy Hanukkah and Merry Christmas to All : Observing both cultures’ traditions has taught my family that different peoples can come together joyfully.

Many of the visitors who arrive at our home during December comment on our unusual holiday decor. In the middle of the living room stands the standard evergreen Christmas tree complete with colored lights, ornaments and garlands of shiny tinsel. A creche occupies one shelf, and two large stockings are hung for our young son and daughter.

In the midst of all these Christmas trappings stands a menorah. A “Happy Hanukkah” banner is draped across the fireplace mantel, and dreidels are scattered about on tabletops.

Since my husband and I were married more than 10 years ago, observing the holidays of two religions and two cultures has become a natural way of celebration. Myron is Jewish; I’m Lutheran. Granted, some disagreements have come up over the holiday season, but by incorporating the customs of both religions, we are learning to appreciate and understand the richness of each.

Before being married to Myron, I had some experience in celebrating “double” holidays. My stepfather is Jewish, and so about the second or third week in December, we would set out for a Hanukkah dinner at the home of one of my “inherited” relatives. Chopped liver, challah, cimmis and turkey would be the usual main bill of fare, not to mention a variety of Jewish sweets. Hanukkahs past were so frequently discussed that they became almost as much a part of the tradition as the prayers and lighting of candles.

I remember the first year I celebrated Hanukkah--agonizing over whether to send Christmas cards to my new relatives, wondering whether gifts should be presented at Hanukkah celebrations or at Christmas dinners, and even being uncertain about what to do while the traditional Hebrew prayers were being recited.

My new family was very understanding, and my mother, sister and I were welcomed into their celebrations wholeheartedly.

Since that first Hanukkah dinner almost 15 years ago, I’ve celebrated Hanukkah almost each year--first with my stepfather, then with my husband, and now with my entire family. Interestingly enough, my sister is also married to a Jewish man, and there are almost as many Jews attending our traditional Christmas Eve dinners as there are Christians.

I take care with our two children to make sure they understand that Hanukkah and Christmas are not competing holidays. Although they do get small gifts during the eight days of Hanukkah, they realize that in terms of Jewish tradition, it is not a major event.

When I make sugar cookies in the shapes of Santa Claus, Christmas trees and candy canes, we also cut out a few in the shapes of the Star of David, shofars and Torahs. Hanukkah gifts are wrapped in blue and white paper rather than in paper decorated with little red-nosed reindeer. The lighting of the candles is an occasion for the entire family to gather around and tell the Hanukkah story. Since their schools sponsor Christmas food drives, we also have the children choose a charity and make a gift in lieu of a Hanukkah gift on one of the nights (last year, they chose a Catholic charity).

My husband, for his part, has learned that you do not even suggest not putting up a Christmas tree--even if we’re going to be away during the holidays, that cookie Christmas trees cannot be decorated with red coloring should you run out of green, and that nobody is too old to enjoy a Christmas stocking.

Sometimes it does get a little hectic and confusing juggling all these holidays around, but the joys far exceed the hassles. And compromises must be made. Many of our favorite Christmas carols are in instrumental arrangements. Although my favorite carol, “O Holy Night,” still gets played frequently, our holiday cards do not depict a Nativity scene out of respect for my husband’s family, and I’ve learned to curb my holiday-season urge to bake nonstop.

I also explain to my children that Christmas isn’t just Santa Claus and gifts but that it is to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. My husband has learned to point out passages in Hebrew as they’re being read, and he even attends Christmas Eve church services with us.

This Christmas Eve, when 20 of our closest friends and relatives will gather at our home, we will represent a broad mix of religions and cultures: Lutheran, Jewish and Catholic; Scandinavian, Mexican-American, Russian and German. Our past dinners have featured traditional Scandinavian oyster stew alongside chili relleno and cheese blintzes.

What makes these holidays even more special to me is that our children are seeing firsthand that people with different traditions, religions, lifestyles and cultures can find a way to come together to celebrate in a spirit of goodwill and love. And that’s really what the holidays are all about.