HELP : Baby-sitters: The British have a special day for nannies. But in America, appreciation can be shown in new cars, health insurance and paid sick time.

Dale Bell wasn’t looking for a miracle. Just a nice, responsible person to take care of her kids.

But a gold miner in a sluiced-out creek bed would have had better luck.

“I must have gone through every teen-ager in the neighborhood. We even tried a professional nanny and didn’t hit it off,” said Bell, an Agoura mother with children ages 12, 9 and 5.

“One time, we came home at 1 a.m. and there was our youngest, sitting in front of the television. Another time we came home and the kids had gotten so fed up that they had locked the sitter outside. By the end, my husband and I were thinking we just wouldn’t go out at night anymore.”

But when a Camarillo domestic agency sent over a bright, creative woman with a Mary Poppin-esque bag of books, beads, glue and glitter, it was no wonder that Bell felt as if she wanted to kiss the doormat where the woman stood.

“She does all these incredible art projects, and the kids absolutely love her,” Bell said. “Now I just do everything I can to make sure she keeps coming back.

“I overpay her every week. I get her daughter presents. I give her a lot of gifts. I’ll do anything I can. My attitude is, ‘What can I offer you?’ ”

Bell, of course, isn’t the first person to think about showing appreciation to her domestic help.

A long time ago, the terribly decent British decided to set aside an entire day each year, just so they could express their affection for their servants. In the original spirit of Boxing Day--now celebrated throughout the British Isles on Dec. 26--members of the English nobility would repackage their unwanted presents and pass them on to their very grateful help.

Although the holiday is largely unknown in the United States, there nevertheless are plenty of people who believe that Americans have their own way of showing appreciation to people who work in their homes. The only difference is that a lot of parents here say they try to show it 365 days a year.

Nannies are given new cars. Housekeepers are offered health insurance. Au pairs receive round-trip tickets to their native countries for a vacation. Baby-sitters are given paid sick time. Maids get tuition for school. After-school mothers’ helpers receive clothes and jewelry.

“The pool of talent out there really isn’t that great, and so when you find someone really good, you want to hang onto them,” said Susan Nardizzi, an advertising company supervisor who lives in Moorpark. “You want to do everything you can.”

What prompts parents to provide so many perks to their domestic help can vary from gratitude and feelings of friendship to fear of having to look for a replacement. But many parents said it takes at least one bad experience to make them realize how much they depend on the good people working for them.

Nardizzi, who works in Los Angeles, had initially sought a live-in nanny for her 1-year-old fraternal twins through an international organization based in Oakland, but she changed her mind when she learned how expensive it was. Although she said she was willing to pay for room, board, health insurance and what she considered to be a good salary, the organization also wanted her to buy a car for the nanny’s use.

“I work for one of the largest advertising agencies,” she said, “and I don’t think my secretary makes that after taxes.”

Nardizzi wound up contacting a Ventura domestic agency, which sent her a woman who didn’t work out. The woman had a drinking problem, Nardizzi said, and put the children to bed during the day so she could sleep. The children then stayed up all night.

“I don’t think there’s anything more stressful than being in a high-power job and having a lot of demands on you, and then feeling like your children aren’t being taken care of,” Nardizzi said.

After three weeks, the agency sent over another woman who Nardizzi said is working out fine. She is responsible and caring, and she cooks dinner even though it is not requested.

“I found myself saying in the back of my mind, ‘I should pay her even more,’ ” Nardizzi said. “I don’t ever want her to feel that I am taking advantage of her. I think people will bend over backwards to get that peace of mind.”

How far will they bend? Richard Francis, a former Ventura mayor and father of 1-year-old twins, says he will go pretty far.

After interviewing a long string of prospective nannies, Francis and his wife Nancy, a county Planning Department manager, settled on 22-year-old Denise Vikingson. The couple initially had hoped to find a “grandmotherly type,” but decided that chasing after the twins might be a bit too much for an older person.

Vikingson, who eventually wants to become director of a child-care center, had the energy level and dedication the couple wanted.

“I think just the fact that someone comes into your home makes you a lot more susceptible to being giving than with a regular employee,” Francis said.

What his family has given Vikingson so far, he said, is nothing he considers “a big deal.” They took her on several vacations. Found her a place to live. Paid for occasional sick time. Gave her time off when she needed it. They also are planning to give her a raise and a Christmas gift, probably a cash bonus.

“We try to make life as easy as possible for her,” he said.

While life as the nanny during the mayor’s tenure wasn’t always easy--someone once taped a picture of Vikingson with the twins to the couple’s door, along with a threatening note--Vikingson agrees that the family appreciates her.

“They’re like parents to me. They’re my friends. They listen to me,” she said. “I got sick, and I was so scared they would be mad. But Nancy sent me flowers and just said to get better. They took the twins somewhere else until I could come back.

“They also took me to San Francisco and San Diego,” she said. “And every morning when Richard goes out the door he says, ‘Thanks, Denise.’ I think that’s so neat. It makes me feel like a member of the family.”

Shelley Fletcher, the baby-sitter who showed up at Bell’s house with a bag of art projects, is familiar with such signs of appreciation. As a full-time teacher in Thousand Oaks and co-owner of the A-1 Derful Babysitting Agency in Newbury Park, Fletcher said she is continually showered with gifts and other niceties.

One couple, she said, go even further. They used to live in Woodland Hills and would reserve her services every Saturday night, she said. Last year, they moved to Pacific Palisades.

“They still wanted me to come,” Fletcher said. “They said they knew they couldn’t find anyone like me. So now they pay my mileage, travel time and the hourly rate, and then when I get there they do even more.

“I’ll be playing with the kids, and someone will come to the door with a gourmet dinner from a really nice restaurant that they ordered for me,” she said. “They are wonderful people.”

Elaine Santor, owner of Santor ABC Services in Ventura, doesn’t find the couple’s attitude unusual.

“I’ve had clients who have let their nannies have a visitor live in the house with them for a while,” said Santor, whose agency provides both live-in and live-out domestic help. “One nanny went to Las Vegas with the family and they paid for her room, her meals, everything. Sometimes they provide a car. A lot of the time, they put the person on their car insurance.

“These are the perks,” she said. “These are the things that make them stay.”

Barbara Brisco is the Los Angeles representative and counselor for Au Pair Program USA, a nationwide placement agency based in Salt Lake City. One grateful family she represents is rewarding a French au pair by sending her home for Christmas. When she returns, Brisco said, they will take her with them to the Caribbean.

“What it comes down to is, if they don’t keep the person happy, they all would be in a bad situation,” Brisco said. “It is to all their advantages.”

Obviously, not everyone can spring for a French vacation to ensure a baby-sitter’s happiness. But even if they can’t provide lavish gifts, many parents say they try to do other things. Often, they say, that translates into simply living with a certain amount of aggravation.

Oh, you threw my favorite cashmere sweater in the washing machine and then shrank it so it’s too small for the dachshund? No problem. Your car broke down for the 10th time and you need me to come get you and be late for work again? Hey, these things happen.

“The fact is, most parents are so afraid that they won’t get the next good person who’s out there that they’re afraid to rock the boat at all,” said Nardizzi, who admits to having held her tongue on a few occasions. “If the person is about 70% or 80% there, they’ll compromise. They’ll do anything to keep the person.”

Of course, sometimes keeping the person simply isn’t possible. The price becomes just too high.

One single father, who hired a woman to take care of his son after kindergarten each day, said he was happy with the arrangement until the woman made it clear that she wanted a more permanent arrangement.

“She was falling in love with me,” he said. “I’d try to say goodby to her in the evenings, and she’d linger in the door and ask me for a hug. It was pretty uncomfortable.

“I was sorry to see her go,” he said, “but that was too much. It was one thing I just couldn’t give her.”