TALENT SHOW : Star Search : Hopeful singers, dancers and musicians parade past judges looking for acts for a benefit program.

Two seniors tapping.

That’s not a line to a new “Twelve Days of Christmas.” It’s a description of the first act that auditioned Jan. 11 for KVEN radio’s fifth annual “Dave and Bob Talent Show.” The show, benefiting the Special Olympics, will be presented Friday and Saturday evenings.

The tap-dancing duo was one of only five non-singing acts to try out. Considering there were 33 acts in all, this year’s turnout didn’t quite have the variety generally expected of a variety show.

The parade of hopefuls began shortly after noon in the frigid Ventura High School auditorium. Less than a dozen of the facility’s 1,600 seats were occupied. There was a girl in Sunday-white clothes sitting with her gum-chewing grandmother. And Ventura voice instructor and coach Susan Colla was there to cheer on 12 student disciples.

In the middle of the auditorium sat three of the four KVEN-AM (1450) judges--General Manager Dave Loe, program director-traffic reporter Rich Gulano, and Dave Adams of the “Dave and Bob Show.” Bob Ciniero (the other half of “Dave and Bob”) was the fourth judge. He spent the day backstage, barking out auditioners’ names.

In the moments before the first act was called, the judges discussed what they hoped to see.

“We look for originality. The zanier the better . . . . Some are pretty campy,” said Loe. “I’ve often thought we should sell tickets to this. “

Added Gulano: “We have a sliding scale between good and screwy.”

With the criteria firmly established, on with the show.

Marge Tetley, leader of The Syncopated Seniors tap-dancing group in Ventura, and fellow tapper LaVerne Beckmann were first. They clacked onto the stage in red and black sequined leotards, red hats and red fishnet stockings. With crowd-pleasing smiles, they danced their way through “In the Mood.”

It wasn’t long before the first female singer began to croon. She went by the name Cheeky Thomas. Ciniero took to calling her “Adorable Cheeky.”

Her song, “Fancy,” included the line, “In this world there are a lot of self-righteous hypocrites that call me bad.” She set a high standard for the 20 female singers to follow. She had a strong voice and a professional delivery. And besides, anyone who can fit all those syllables into one line and keep the beat deserves some credit.

Male singer No. 1 Tim Pompeii dragged himself onto the stage at about 12:30. At this point, he metamorphosed into Higby, the “World’s Unhappiest Hillbilly.” He then sang, as he put it, “a happy song of my pitiful life.”

“It’s all an act. I’m happy,” said Pompeii, following his audition. “It’s a spoof because I was raised in the South. You can make fun of what you grow up with.”

Four female singers followed in succession, including the girl in white--12-year-old Brittany Adams, who sang “I Honestly Love You.” Tina Kemp also took her turn. The judges fondly remembered her tribute to Elvis in last year’s show.

The first ensemble appeared just after 1 p.m. It was the Kamaaina Serenaders a Hawaiian song and hula dance group. Given the paucity of ensemble acts--and for that matter, dancers--the hula group seemed destined for a place in the show.

It was soon time for 11-year-old Merrick McMahon. He and his mother, Jan, had just jogged into the auditorium when his name was called. He hadn’t even finished putting on his white coat--the outer portion of a three-piece suit worthy of GQ.

Merrick’s audition piece was “Memory” from “Cats,” which he performed with apparent confidence and ease. “It’s kind of tense,” he admitted afterward, “until you get out there and get comfortable with the audience.”

The Cladnagh School of Irish Dancers was next. Things went smoothly after some anxiety over what at first seemed to be a blank tape instead of the dance music. The ensemble consisted of nine young girls with very quick feet.

While the action continued, it was difficult not to notice the large contingent in the front right section of seats.

It turned out to be the 10-member Harris family. Five Harrises--three girls and two boys--did a couple of dance numbers. The boys went stage right while the girls performed to “Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy.” All five took center stage for “We Can Make the Difference.” Neil Harris, the father, sat in the front row, encouraging his children.

It was nearly 45 minutes until the next non-vocalist took his turn. It was Peter Gift, harmonica player and three-time veteran of the variety show. Having hooked his instrument into an amplifier, Gift proceeded to give an exhausting performance--crouching, with eyes closed and left foot stomping, for the entire frantic number.

The last act of the day was a country-Western trio known as “Thin Ice.” Luke Sullivan and Carol and Rabbit MacKay performed a timely, original piece called “Unemployment Line.”

That was it. In a bit under four hours the audition was over. And what did the judges think?

“We’re going to have to reject a lot of singers even though they are good because we’re committed to doing a variety show,” said Loe. “We never go over 18 acts. My hunch is that we’re a little short of 18 of the quality we want.”

Loe’s hunch proved correct. Fifteen of the acts were selected.

Epilogue: Of those aforementioned acts, the following made the final cut. “Tapping” Marge Tetley and LaVerne Beckmann, Cheeky Thomas, Tina Kemp, Merrick McMahon, the Kamaaina Serenaders, the Cladnagh School of Irish Dancers, Peter Gift and “Thin Ice.” The other performers will be: Singer-actress Lisa Lincoln, pianist-singer Lynda Marie, singer Raquel de los Santos, singer Lynn Williams, guitarists-singers Jesse and James Keith, singer Terri Lynn Regalado and pianist Owen Bucey.

* WHERE AND WHEN

The “Dave and Bob Talent Show” will be held Friday night at the Ventura High School auditorium and Saturday night at the Oxnard Civic Auditorium. Show time each night is 7:30 p.m. Admission is $3, with proceeds benefiting Special Olympics. Tickets are available at KVEN, 3897 Market St., Ventura.