Entertaining Theories on Cause of the Ruptured Sewage Pipe

Things going around.

* There are various theories about why the Point Loma sewer pipe went blooey: corrosion, human error, a dropped anchor, etc.

Now there’s a joke at City Hall that the blowout was caused by the perversity of inanimate objects: that the pipe had reached its psychological breaking point.

This theory (which I endorse) says the pipe had no objection to pumping the usual “stuff,” but rebelled when people started sending something even more disgusting down their toilets:

Copies of the National Enquirer and STAR magazine.

* No, there are no plans to try to recapture the tourist market by promoting the First Annual Sewage Festival.

But songwriter Glenn Erath has come up with “Surfin’ the Sewage”: “Let’s go surfing now/Surfing in the sewage now/Come on surf the sewage with me!”

* Stuart Glassman of Rancho Bernardo reports a bumper sticker on Interstate 15 in North County: “Don’t Tell Me What Kind of a Day to Have.”

* Woman at the Baltimore Bagel store in San Carlos: “How come we can send a man to the moon but we can’t send all the men to the moon?”

* Personals ad in the Union-Tribune:

“ATTENTION. Women sailors of the U.S. Navy! Did you have a shipboard romance that ended in an unplanned pregnancy? If you served on a “love boat” we’d like to speak to you. Please contact the STAR magazine at . . . “

* In an attempt to break away from a crowded field, Republican hopeful Ray Saatjian in the 49th Congressional District begins radio commercials today.

* The latest buzz around high school campuses is a telephone number in La Mesa that yields a taped message from a sexy voice named Tiffany.

She talks (very) dirty at you for a while and then asks you to send $10 to a post office box in Ramona for her naked picture and her private phone number.

Despite complaints from parents, the phone company says Tiffany has a First Amendment right to say anything she wants on her answering machine.

It’s unclear who Tiffany is, but the P.O. box is rented to a guy from Northridge. The Sheriff’s Department vice squad is investigating.

Something to Smile About

More political whirl.

* Yes, there is a would-be San Diego mayoral candidate who signs his name with a happy face.

John Joseph O’Leary, 57, who makes a living in sales and advertising. He puts a happy face in the O.

* And one who put on his candidacy papers under the heading occupation: 18 holes of golf on Monday, tennis five times a week. Jim Turner, 69.

* Judy Jarvis, 41, a registered nurse living in Tierrasanta, is a candidate in the 49th Congressional District. The only woman in the Republican primary.

* When you have a winner, stick with it.

When he dumped Rep. Jim Bates, who was stuck in a sex scandal, Randy (Duke) Cunningham used the slogan: “A Congressman You Can Be Proud Of.”

Now he’s fighting fellow Republican Bill Lowery, caught in a tempest over bounced checks, junketeering and the congressional pay raise.

What slogan is Cunningham using against Lowery? You guessed it: “A Congressman You Can Be Proud Of.”

* Republicans for Choice, a San Diego group that supports keeping abortion legal, is searching for a candidate (preferably a woman) to run in the 51st District against Lowery and Cunningham, both strongly anti-abortion.

Look for an announcement soon.

* Dianne Jacob, running for East County supervisor, is the latest politician to switch from a foreign car to an American one in this Buy American year.

Jacob’s Honda got wrecked when she swerved to miss a car and went into a ditch. Now she’s got new wheels: a Mercury.

For the record: Jacob notes that her Honda wasn’t really foreign, more like a naturalized American. It was manufactured at the Honda plant in Ohio.

Sweetness and Light-Fingers

Most conventions warn the guards to be alert for the stray lunatic who might bring in a weapon.

Not the National Candy Wholesalers’ Assn., which just ended its stay at the San Diego Convention Center.

Guards stationed at all entrances were under orders to watch out for people bringing in empty bags to cart off more than their fair share of free samples.