Deft Touch Tackles Potential Child Abuse : Volunteers Set Judgment Aside, Offer Coping Skills to Keep Families Under Stress Intact

Overwhelmed by the new responsibilities of motherhood, 23-year-old Julie Sullivan grabbed her infant son and started to shake him.

“His eyes got big because I scared him,” the college student said. “He was colicky and I was going through the blues syndrome. But I realized what I was doing and stopped. I knew that a baby could die like that.”

The near-tragedy a few weeks ago sparked Sullivan’s interest in the fight against child abuse. Last week, she was one of 15 volunteers learning how to counsel families that have a history of, or potential for, child abuse.

The program, organized by the Exchange Club Child Abuse Prevention Center, is part of a growing social service movement known as “family preservation.” Sociologists say this method represents a shift away from judging and punishing parents to understanding and helping them improve their behavior.

“The idea is to keep the families together,” said Lois Wood, executive director for the nonprofit organization. “We help them develop self-esteem, stress management and various coping mechanisms so they can be more effective parents.”

After attending three eight-hour training sessions, volunteers visit families for at least four hours a week for one year and help them set goals.

They demonstrate the basic elements of parenting--cleaning, shopping and setting bedtime curfews--as well as more sophisticated behavior, such as goal-setting, budgeting and decision-making.

The family learns how to deal with domestic pressures that can trigger abuse, the center’s volunteers hope. “It’s another person giving a suggestion that the parent may not have thought of,” said Marna Miller, center assistant director.

There are about 45 aides working with 100 families at any given time, Miller said. But with the startling increase in child abuse reports in the county--they increased 21% from 1990 to 1991--there is an immediate need for more workers. Families are referred to the program through the Orange County Child Abuse Registry, law enforcement and health officials.

Gene Howard, director of Children’s Services at the Orange County Social Services Agency, said volunteers are a good, low-cost alternative to trained professionals.

Volunteers can often establish non-threatening relationships with a family more quickly than a government employee, Howard added.

“Volunteers sometimes remain in contact with the families years beyond the required time,” he said.

The Exchange Club program has operated nationally since 1979, with six centers in the county and almost 70 throughout the United States. Program operators say 80% of participating families are never subsequently reported for child abuse.

During Monday’s class, volunteers learned that there are four types of child abuse: emotional, the hardest to prove; physical, the easiest to spot; neglect, and sexual.

Later, volunteers watched the center’s directors role-play various situations that often occur during counseling. Woods gave the scenario of a single mother raising three children, all younger than 9. An aide visited the mother and her youngest child, Bob, 4.

“Stop that!” the mother shouted as the youngster drew pen marks on her hand.

As the parent-aide talked with the mother regarding the family’s progress, the child began to whine, “I want to go play.”

“Why don’t you sit by me and color?” the aide suggested.

“No!” the child said. “I want to play!”

“Then why don’t you go get your toy?” the aide asked.

“Mommy broke it,” Bob said, still drawing circles on his mother’s hand.

“You’re just like your father!” the mother screamed. “He lies! He’s lying to you (Miller) right now! He walks like him! He talks like him! Every time I look at him I see his dad!”

After the 10-minute simulation, the volunteers gave suggestions on how the aide, played by Miller, might have better handled the situation.

Most thought that Miller had been professional, though some thought she had been a little condescending to the mother.

But Miller pointed out that every aide develops a certain rapport with each family. “What might seem condescending with one family often works, though it wouldn’t with another,” she said.

Woods then gave the group examples on how to calm emotional parents. “Always keep conversations light and friendly,” she said. “Give the client a compliment, acknowledge their disclosures, share something of yourself and follow through on all appointed tasks.”

No previous experience is required to be a volunteer, but all aides are screened before being accepted into the program.

“I want to be a social worker and figured this would help me make up my mind,” said Debbie Glenn, 32, a mother of two.

“I’m really scared to do it,” Glenn said. “All that time, and you’re so engrossed in the family’s life. I worry about giving them good information.”

Glenn’s fears were assuaged when she learned that aides are often accompanied by a professional the first time they visit their assigned families. They are also matched with families in their geographic area.

“I’m definitely signing up now,” she said.