Unmellow L.A.: Stung by the Grand Junction,...

Unmellow L.A.: Stung by the Grand Junction, Colo., ad campaign here, L.A. is fighting back.

A new message on L.A. billboards and bus posters says: “Universities and Trade Schools: Los Angeles 122, Grand Junction 3.”

It’s one in a series of scoreboard-type comparisons designed to stop L.A. firms from fleeing the area. “This is war,” declared Nancy Torres of the L.A. County Economic Development Corp.

Grand Junction, with a population of 30,000 (or about 3,450,000 less than L.A.), was singled out for a fusillade after it ran radio commercials here urging L.A. businesses to relocate there.

Grand Junction is amused by L.A.’s reaction.

“We see it as proof that Grand Junction has had a real impact,” said Jil Anderson of the Mesa County Economic Development Council, adding that six L.A. firms are contemplating defecting. “This kind of publicity would cost us thousands of dollars.”

Ken Gruber, a spokesman for Grand Junction radio station KEKB, suggested that L.A. compare itself with his town in another category: air quality.

“In L.A.,” he said, “you can’t even see your nose.”

Take that! Other L.A. County salvos in the “L.A. Means Business” war:

“Number of Airlines: Los Angeles 81, Salt Lake City 10.”

“Professional sports teams: Los Angeles 8, Portland 1.”

“International ports: Dallas 0, Los Angeles 2.”

“Chambers of Commerce: Atlanta 20, Los Angeles 113.”

“Cost to Move a 450-Man Plant: Los Angeles $0, Salt Lake City $6.4 million.”

Asked to explain the $0 figure, Torres said: “If you stay here instead of moving, it doesn’t cost you anything.”

Playground moderne: Here’s today’s quiz: Which accompanying photo shows a sculpture at the corner of 9th and Figueroa streets and which one shows a children’s park on Fairfax Avenue?

Driving Home Disney: When MCA Inc. Chairman Lew Wasserman held a fund-raiser for U.S. Senate hopeful Mel Levine at his Beverly Hills mansion the other night, the long line of invitees were stalled far down his street. In fact, Levine’s aides say that one trapped motorist, Disney boss Michael Eisner, did a U-turn and left.

The TV Also Sets: As written by Ken Conklin Bash, the tale was reminiscent of “The Sun Also Rises,” with one exception.

“Instead of a hero controlling bulls in Pamplona, I thought of a running of the bulls in Century City,” said Bash, a Malibu writer who captured this year’s International Imitation Hemingway Competition.

“It was early morning and the sun was bright and painful and rising on the tall glass towers when the rocket exploded to announce the release of the bulls and we all rushed out to see the big, brave, mature and viciously horny bulls toss the television executives as they came up the escalators,” he wrote.

“‘What the hell,’ I muttered as a director of development, drama, sailed over our heads.”

Truly.

miscelLAny:

Long Beach’s downtown sidewalks were named “the most comfortable in the world” in 1982 by the International Academy for Standing and Walking Fitness, which was headed by a Los Alamitos podiatrist.