High Life / A WEEKLY FORUM FOR HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS : ‘Birds, Bees’ Talk a Must for Parents

Even in this era of AIDS, many parents apparently still feel skittish about talking to their teen-age children about “the facts of life.”

Adolescence is a time of increased awareness, worry and concern about sexuality. Most parents want--in some way--to offer their children opinions and guidance around the time when puberty takes place.

However, parents frequently feel awkward talking about sexuality, and this awkwardness can cause parents to hurry through or even avoid the subject.

Parents who do not want their mixed feelings to get the better of them can take a number of steps to be more comfortable and effective in speaking with their teen-agers about sex:

* Talk With Your Spouse: To speak effectively to a teen about sex, parents first need to talk with each other. Sexuality is a complex topic and may produce differences in opinion between spouses. But parents should speak to their children with a unified voice to avoid sending conflicting messages.

* Talk With Other Parents: Having support from other people is one of the best ways to manage difficulties in life. Speak with friends who are also parents about their methods of discussing sexuality.

Overcoming the awkwardness of discussing sex with fellow adults is good preparation for talking with an adolescent.

* Be Prepared: Your teen may already be sexually active--and may admit it.

The average age for first coitus in the United States is 15.5 years for boys, 16.5 for girls. Most teens have intercourse without their parents’ knowledge and consent.

It is the parents’ right to disapprove of their child’s sexual activity, but “I don’t want you to” is always more effective when accompanied by an explanation.

Regardless of a teen’s sexual activity, parents should talk to teen-agers about contraception options, including abstinence and/or the use of condoms, and the dangers of sexually transmitted diseases.

* Initiate the Conversation: Unlike young children, teens generally do not ask their parents about sex. Adolescents need guidance about the changes in their bodies and emotions but are afraid to ask.

* Keep the Door Open: Learning about human sexuality is an ongoing process and should not end with one conversation. Parents should let their teen know that they are always available to talk. With repetition, discussing sex becomes less difficult.

--DR. VIRGINIA SADOCK,

clinical professor of psychiatry and director of the Program in Human Sexuality at New York University Medical Center

“I believe in sex and death--two experiences that come once in a lifetime.”

--Woody Allen