Welcome to L.A.: Considering the task that...

Welcome to L.A.: Considering the task that lies ahead for him, one hopes that Police Chief-designate Willie L. Williams doesn’t find himself quoting the epitaph of W.C. Fields:

“All things considered, I’d rather be in Philadelphia.”

Gloria Molina wouldn’t want your backing, anyway: As for the outgoing chief, Daryl Gates declared Thursday that he might run for mayor unless “some guy” whom Gates finds acceptable enters the race.

Fashion police at work: For several months, the LAPD’s public information office has been adorned with a photo of an officer, atop a horse, looking down at a scantily clad woman whose back is to the camera. The woman’s rear end is partly exposed--or was.

A full-length, paper-doll dress with long sleeves is now taped over the photo.

“These are different times,” acknowledged Lt. John Dunkin, a department spokesman. “We’ve got to be careful what we put on the walls these days.”

No, it wasn’t the filming of “Police Academy 8”: Sheriff’s Department patrol cars displayed bumper stickers with a Hollywood touch during a training exercise for deputies at the Los Alamitos Armed Forces Reserve Center (see photo).

Take my resume, please: The Improv comedy club in West Hollywood will hold auditions Monday from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. to find eight semifinalists to compete in a Funniest Unemployed Person in L.A. Contest.

The winner will receive a job as a performer--for two weeks anyway--at the Improv.

Boss from hell: Speaking of jobs, it was mentioned here that, in honor of Professional Secretaries Week, L.A.’s Downtown News held a contest to find the best horror story about an employer. Well, several readers mailed us their tales. And we’re keeping them. The best ones will be published here, with a suitable prize being awarded for the top ogre story.

Lori Butler of Studio City, our leadoff batter, recalled one boss who lost a gold crown (the type a dentist installs) and instructed everyone in the office “to stop everything and start looking.”

“We searched wastebaskets, floors, desks and the dirty shag carpet. If anyone had walked into our office, they would have seen a bunch of rear ends in the air.”

The boss, meanwhile, kept “going about his business.” Then he visited the restroom, only to emerge triumphant with the crown.

“He found it,” Butler said, “in his shorts.”

Puns R Us: Dennis Safier of Studio City saw a gardener’s truck belonging to a company named Marquis de Sod.

We love names like that because we’re hooked on phonics.

miscelLAny:

The city of Claremont has a ban on drive-through eateries.