Advice on Discussing Death Penalty With Children

When 12-year-old Justin Michel asked whether convicted murderer Robert Alton Harris should die, his father was momentarily caught off guard.

Despite his father’s surprise, Justin continued: Does his father believe in capital punishment? Why does California execute prisoners using a gas chamber? Would it hurt? Who would watch?

All over San Diego and much of California, parents and teachers were fielding similar questions as the countdown to Harris’ Tuesday morning execution continued.

Though unprepared for his son’s questions, Gregg Michel responded as best he could, believing that he needed to try to help his son make sense of this thorny issue.

“You have to give kids what they want to know,” said Michel, a clinical and forensic psychologist in San Diego. “I don’t think there is any one approach. Answer questions as honestly as possible.”

Experts say that many children, from toddlers to teen-agers, might be oblivious to the planned execution of Harris. Indeed, for most children, they say, Harris’ death will not carry the same emotional impact as other events that have shaken the psyches of West Coast children, such as the explosion of the space shuttle Challenger, the Stockton schoolyard shooting, the San Francisco earthquake and the Persian Gulf War.

These events were upsetting because they either involved children or because they could happen to any child: parents were sent off to war and children were afraid of bombs hitting California, earthquakes have occurred across the state, youngsters were killed in the Stockton schoolyard and the Challenger carried a teacher--which meant classrooms nationwide followed preparations for the flight and then watched as the shuttle blew up.

“I don’t sense trauma over Harris,” said Kris Hickman, a counselor with the San Diego Unified School District. “I don’t think it’s going to be an issue for most kids.”

So, although the school district is alerting all schools to be aware of children who might have emotional reactions to Harris’ execution, educators are not preparing to launch any major programs. Instead, the topic is generally covered in government, political science or current events class.

Since 80% of Californians favor the death penalty, many children remain unaware of the controversy over it. In fact, many youngsters do not question the law--unless their parents or a significant person in their life does.

“Most students are consensus-oriented. Here, it’s pretty much 100% in favor of capital punishment,” said Patrick Bennett, a government teacher at Coronado High School. “They get irritated that there isn’t more of it, though I’m sure they are reflecting what their parents are saying.”

In part, because violence and death have become so widespread in television, movies, as well as becoming more common in some neighborhoods, the planned death of a man who murdered two boys has not yet caused emotional ripples among families or schools, experts say. Instead, Harris’ execution poses a sort of moral and ethical Rohrschach test: elucidating more about the feelings and politics of the parents.

“I don’t have any particularly strong feelings about it. And my kids are so wrapped up in hormones and stuff that I don’t see them being really affected one way or another,” said Donna Ferguson, who has two children, ages 12 and 13, attending Standley Junior High School.

Many experts, however, believe that a discussion of the death penalty and the Harris case can be a valuable one for children old enough to grasp the issues. And, for those young enough to be scared, such a discussion can allow them to vent--and hopefully, ease--their fears.

“It’s terribly important for parents to talk about thoughts, values and beliefs about such laws,” said psychologist James Beatrice, who sees children in his La Jolla private practice. “Parents have a responsibility to help kids see differing points of view--that this is not just a black and white issue.”

Beatrice advises parents not to be surprised if their teen-ager maintains a position about the death penalty that opposes that of the parent. This has more to do with the nature of adolescence than politics, he says.

Especially if the teen senses that his parents have strong opinions about the death penalty, the teen-ager may espouse a distinctly different position as a means to assert his independence and individuality, Beatrice said.

“This can be stressful in a family,” he said.

Beatrice and a number of other psychologists, however, maintain that, for children under age 5, a discussion of the death penalty is not necessarily useful, unless the child brings up the subject.

At a young age, this topic can cause some children to worry that they will be similarly punished when they misbehave, Beatrice said. “They may take it as the authorities will come and get me.”

But, if a young child asks about the execution, Beatrice advises, “A parent has to be very straight and honest about their own views on this. And the child should be given the chance to talk about their thoughts, feelings, views. Kids should have their say so they won’t be so frightened.”

Psychologist Lee Greene advises parents to pay attention to how a child inquires about Harris’ execution. How the child phrases his or her question can tip off a parent about whether the child is feeling fear, anxiety, or simply curiosity about the event.

Greene advises parents to avoid telling their children that they are too young to talk about the execution or too young to understand it. “Make every effort to answer questions as honestly and realistically as you can.”

Hickman of the school district also suggests that parents be careful not to overload a child with information. The classic example of a parent answering more than a child asks usually occurs around the question of origin, Hickman pointed out. A child who asks where he came from may be inquiring about which city--not biological means.

“Mainly, listen to where the kids are--do not give them more information than they are asking,” Hickman said.

For some children, a small number of the overall population, Harris’ execution might prove traumatic. In homes where there has recently been violence or the child has witnessed violence, Harris’ death could trigger anxiety. And among families where a parent or relative is in jail, a child may also worry that this person, too, will be killed.

Because Harris’ mental health has been a question, children who are aware that a family member has mental health problems may also have concerns that this individual will turn on them and kill--as Harris did.

Some experts believe that explaining the death penalty might prove more difficult for parents who oppose it. For these parents, it can be a very emotional and painful topic. And they are put in the position of having to explain why the state is carrying out an action that they believe is wrong.

“This strikes at the fundamental belief system that people either have or don’t have about the death penalty. So the way the parent feels about the death penalty determines what they say to their kid,” said psychologist Faye Girsh, president of the San Diego chapter of the Hemlock Society, a national right-to-die organization that supports the rights of terminally ill patients to end their lives.

“Most Americans are not shocked by this (execution), and the message they will give their kids is that this guy had it coming. And, with so much death in society, in the movies, most kids are not fazed by this,” said Girsh, who testified in a trial on Harris’ behalf during a trial 13 years ago. “But for those who oppose, this is another story.”

For those parents, Girsh advises explaining that the government sometimes does “unjust things,” but that this execution is one that most people in the state believe is right--even though the parent does not.