MAKING IT WORK : Be Willing to Seek Help

The fear of being exposed as bad parents keeps many people from seeking help when they find themselves losing control with their children, says Kelly Fry, a Tustin marriage, family and child counselor.

Fry reassures those who come to the Parents Anonymous self-help group she oversees in Anaheim on Wednesday nights that they are there not to be judged or punished, but to learn positive ways of disciplining their children.

Fry offers the following suggestions for parents who are concerned about the way they are handling their kids:

* Recognize that you have a problem. Some warning signs: feeling frustrated and not knowing how to influence children’s behavior in positive ways, losing your temper frequently and disciplining more harshly than you’d like, repeating abusive behavior learned from your parents.

* When things get out of control, a “timeout” period can be as useful for parents as it is for kids.

* If you need more than a brief “timeout” period to calm yourself, ask a friend or relative to watch your children so you can get away.

* Be willing to talk about your parenting problems with other parents.

* Don’t be ashamed to ask for help. For information about joining Parents Anonymous, call (800) 421-0353 or (714) 835-5551. In a crisis, call the Hotline Help Center, a 24-hour referral service, at (714) 778-1000, or the Child Abuse Registry, (714) 834-5353.