Newly Independent : Parents may not know about programs that help their disabled adult children learn to cope on their own.

When 63-year-old Anna-Marie Luxford of Ventura received her Mother’s Day gift two months early it was nothing as tangible as a card or candy. But it was a more profound and lasting gift. It was peace of mind.

On March 4, Todd Taylor, the youngest of Luxford’s four grown children, graduated in Ventura from the Training for Independent Living program sponsored by the Assn. of Retarded Citizens. It took Todd, who is 30, 23 months to complete the program. At last Luxford knew that her son, who is developmentally disabled and has cerebral palsy, could have a successful future without her.

Currently about 25 adults are enrolled in Training for Independent Living, and Semi-Independent Living, transitional residential programs for men and women age 18 and older.

After mastering 150 living skills, the majority of graduates are employed at least part time and most live on their own with help from low-income housing subsidies, said Jim White, an associate of ARC. “We also provide ongoing services to enable these individuals to maintain their independent status in the community,” White said.

“I have a speech problem and have trouble writing,” Taylor said. But he was able to “mainstream” or attend regular classes. He earned a diploma from Buena High School in Ventura where he was a manager of the football team. Now he works part time selling and stocking shoes at Mervyn’s department store in Ventura. “I walk or take the bus to work,” said Taylor, who lives in a nearby apartment.

“I tried programs before. But things didn’t work out,” he said.

“Prior to going into this program, he lived with us,” said Luxford, who remarried eight years ago. She and husband, Walter, 64, are now retired.

“It’s been a force all along to make all my children independent because you don’t expect to outlive them. I think Todd realized that he needed to go somewhere and do something. And the Training for Independent Living program was the right fit for him,” she said.

“I learned banking, cooking, basically how to care for my own self and my own needs,” said Taylor. “Now I live on my own. I don’t consider it an apartment, I consider it my home ,” said Taylor, who moved in two months ago. “And I like cooking on the stove,” he said. “Now I made spaghetti noodles and could pour them into a collander. The quote ‘normal people’ think that’s no big deal. But for the ‘simple people’ that’s a big accomplishment. I had to always ask someone to help me. I wouldn’t dare do that alone because the steam really scared me.”

Taylor is especially proud of the birthday dinner that he recently prepared for his stepfather. “I barbecued red snapper and served scalloped potatoes and lemon cake with icing.”

Fortunately, Taylor’s parents encouraged him to spread his wings.

“If you grow too close to someone, you eventually make allowances that don’t need to be made,” Anna-Marie Luxford said.

But there are still many parents aged 60 or 70, said White, who care for a 40-year-old disabled child because 20 years ago they did not have these programs available. “And in the past it was difficult to imagine their son or daughter living independently,” said White. “But if the disabled are given a chance, the sky is the limit.” And everyone in the family benefits from the resulting independence.

Next week Anna-Marie and Walter are leaving to tour the country in an RV for five or six months. “Todd has finished his program in time so we can go where the wind blows,” said his mother.

“I love my Mom. And I love my family. But I like having my own home too. I’m out doing things and I’m free in a sense,” said Taylor, who turned and spoke to his parents. “I want you to go. But I also want you guys to come home,” he said with a grin. “You guys are more than parents. You are my good friends.”

* FYI

* One of ARC’s most exciting programs is The Magic Muffin Bakery and Deli, 580 E. 3rd St., suite E, in Oxnard 483-0226, a takeout place that specializes in Mexican cuisine, breakfast muffins and catering. It is operated primarily with developmentally disabled adults.

* Educational and vocational training programs are funded by grants, two thrift stores and the Tri-Counties Regional Center, which has offices in Oxnard and Thousand Oaks. For referral information call 1-800-322-6994. For other information call the Department of Rehabilitation in Oxnard 385-2400, or in Ventura 654-4624. ARC (the Assn. for Retarded Citizens) can be reached at 482-9831. For information on independent living training programs call 643-2288.