AMERICA’S CUP : A Close Finish in Far-Out Race

Nice race. Who won?

This is what happens when a race has an invisible finish line. The closest, most suspenseful America’s Cup championship-round sail in 30 years was contested here Sunday, and when it was over, the winner was. . . .

Uh, somebody.

The merry crew of Italy’s Il Moro di Venezia took a bow, waving hello to everybody back home on Mama’s Day after getting its bow across the finish line three seconds ahead of fast-closing San Diego charger, America 3.

Repeat: The race was won by three seconds--a race that took 2 hours 46 minutes 16 seconds.

But how do you win a boat race?

By a neck? By a flap? By the hairs of your chinny-chin-chins?

Could Bill Koch’s America 3 employ, say, Manute Bol as a sail trimmer or a grinder and then maybe ask Manute to lean his 7-foot 6-inch body ‘way, ‘way out at the last minute? Could Cap’n Koch fasten one of those golden-haired Helen of Troy figureheads to the boat so that he could win a race by the length of her nose?

I mean, what is the boat and what isn’t the boat?

Let’s go to the rule book:

“A yacht finishes (a race) when any part of her hull, or of her crew or equipment, in normal position, crosses the finishing line in the direction of the course from the last mark.

Meaning what, exactly?

Normal position? Raul Gardini’s normal position on Il Moro di Venezia is leaning back with a cigarette, enjoying the ride. Gardini owns the boat. He doesn’t have a whole lot else to do. If Raul’s cigarette happens to be the first thing to cross the finish line, does his boat win?

(And, by the way, Signor Gardini, with you being a multimillionaire, how about buying a cheap “I San Diego” ashtray so you can stop chucking those butts of yours in the Pacific Ocean? In return we promise not to dump any empty Coors cans into your beautiful canals if the next America’s Cup comes to Venice. OK?)

Gardini was the “17th man” of the Il Moro crew Sunday. The America 3 “17th man” was Peter Coors, the beer baron. And together they took part in one of the great sailing races ever, over the bounding main.

The ending was a gas.

Even the winners weren’t sure they were the winners. They found it out from some TV guy. (What is this--skiing?) And then later, for an hour or two, the losers thought maybe the winners would be declared the losers. Ben Johnson and Carl Lewis caused less discussion after races than this.

Did Il Moro skipper Paul Cayard do some of that crazy hand jibe, releasing a halyard so that his sail could be the first to cross the invisible finish line? Did America 3 helmsman Buddy Melges have enough of a case to justify a red flag of protest? Would the judges be justified in raising a green flag disallowing a protest? Could Black Flag get rid of those pesky termites that sailboat owners dread?

More important:

Considering the billions of dollars spent on this race over the last 141 years, couldn’t somebody please go out and buy a cheap tape for the winning boat to break at the finish? Like, you know, so even the boats can tell which boat got there first?

So few of these races in the America’s Cup finals ever go to the “wire” this way, I guess nobody sees the need. At least horses have photo finishes. Auto races put some guy with a checkered flag above the hoods of the cars so he can get a really good look. But apparently, America’s Cup races can come down to whether the tip of Italy’s sail is farther in front of somebody inside the American boat who happens to be bending over the rail, possibly because of a bad lunch.

Regardless, it was quite a race.

“It doesn’t get any finer than this,” Cayard said. “It was a great race. It was a historic race. It was a race for all time.”

The Italians were ahead by plenty, pretty much from the beginning, and sure did seem to be enjoying themselves, even though Cayard swore: “It was hard work out there. I’m a little too busy to say I’m enjoying things.” Which is why we shouldn’t judge books by their covers, because for the first half-hour or so, Cayard sat on the side, steering Il Moro with one hand like a carefree retiree out for a Sunday drive. He was Captain Casual.

Somebody even slapped a “Ciao, Mom” sticker on the Italian boat.

By the finish, though, anything could have cost Il Moro di Venezia the race. Three seconds? It takes that long to pronounce the name of the boat.