Measuring the Morals of Quayle, Murphy Brown

So Dan Quayle, the vice president, thinks Murphy Brown, the sitcom anchorwoman, should have had an abortion.

Not that he really said that, of course. This is not the type of thing that a Bush Administration spokesman would--er, should --say on the campaign trail.

And, of course, Dan Quayle didn’t really mean that. This is what Marlin Fitzwater, the White House spokesman and spin doctor, is used to saying about Quayle.

After first agreeing with the veep that Murphy shouldn’t have had a baby out of wedlock, Fitzwater said that no, wait, she should have gone ahead with the prime-time birth because that means that she holds pro-life values, which are good.

I mean, I think.

Or, wait a minute. Maybe what Quayle really meant was that if Murphy wasn’t going to be a stay-at-home wife and mother--say, like on “Leave it to Beaver”--then she should have used a reliable method of birth control.

No, sorry, he couldn’t have meant that. The Administration is always dreaming up new ways to cut funding for family planning clinics. . . .

All right, now I get it. I assume that what Quayle would have preferred is a “Just Say No” defense for Murph. No marriage, no sex. This is the black-and-white approach, even though television’s been shooting in color for years.

So here’s a suggestion, guys. Since it seems that Big Brother now wants to get into TV script writing, too--really beats that arty NEA stuff for mass appeal, doesn’t it?--you should know that certain rules of logic cannot be overlooked.

Oh, sure, if you’ve got a good plot line going, TV viewers will cut you a little slack. But too many lapses and you lose something in credibility.

Like, say, you wouldn’t want to have Murphy deciding to quit her TV career so that she could start a home-baked cookie co-op with Hillary Clinton.

Or you wouldn’t want to suggest that the likes of an unwed mother Murphy could somehow be linked to the riots in Los Angeles and the decay of our inner cities.

Yo, Dan!? You there?

“Marriage is probably the best anti-poverty program there is,” the vice president said in his speech to the Commonwealth Club in San Francisco.

Murphy, and by inference, the nearly one in four women the Census Bureau reports as giving birth out of wedlock, are “mocking the importance of fathers by bearing a child alone and calling it just another lifestyle choice,” he said.

“I know it is not fashionable to talk about moral values, but we need to do it.”

So, uh, now I think I can follow this guy’s thoughts. The problem with urban America is all in our minds. Poverty comes from immoral thoughts! Teen-age girls are having babies because they’re on a power trip. How dare they mock the importance of fathers! Serves them right. They deserve what they’ve got, which is almost nothing at all.

Well, not holding much to fashion myself, let me say that I agree with the vice president. We do need to talk about moral values, and we need to talk about lifestyle choice.

The Bush Administration needs to know that its moral values are not shared by millions of Americans who prefer to make their own choices about what kind of “lifestyle” they will lead. Too often, the choices are few.

Does Murphy’s decision not to have an abortion mean that she is part of the “pro-life” movement? Of course not. Does it make her a tramp? I think not.

All it means is that Murphy Brown wanted to be a mother. That is her choice, and for the time being at least, the law still allows her to decide for herself.

The traditional family--read that working dad and stay-at-home mom with the kids--is a minority today. “Leave It to Beaver” is in reruns. Today, it’s almost camp.

Some of this is by choice, but most of it is not. Both parents need to work, the kids go to day care, when it can be found. Mom and Dad cross their fingers and hope and pray for the best.

Dan, please update your files.

Morals, however, are a very personal choice. The last time I checked, freedom of thought was believed to be one of the biggest virtues of the American way.

Surely even Marlin Fitzwater understands this. He calls “Murphy Brown” an excellent show and actress Candice Bergen “my personal favorite.” But he has a job to do, sometimes an awkward one.

How do you defend an Administration that doesn’t make any sense? Even Hollywood would never buy Dan’s script.

* A TV COMMENTARY. F1