Listen, Disney: Celebrating Evil Is a Sticky Wicked

To: Disneyland Imagineering Department

Subject: “Fantasmic!”

Re: Ideas

Dear folks:

I’ve read all about your new “Fantasmic!” show, and I have a few comments and suggestions to make.

Frankly, I’m surprised that in this day and age you’ve decided to build a major attraction around all the evil figures drawn from some 50 years of Disney movies. Is this really the kind of show you want to put before all the impressionable youngsters who visit the park?

Why glorify wicked witches, demons, dragons and other social misfits? Couldn’t you just as easily put on a gently uplifting parade of Nice Guy and Gal characters like Prince Charming and the Little Mermaid and Belle and Peter Pan? (Well, maybe not Mr. Pan, who sets a bad example for kids by refusing to enter the adult world of responsibility and lawn-care products.)

Haven’t you been paying attention to the public clamor for good role models? No matter where you look any more, it seems that hero types--even Presidents, even Nixon-- have chinks in their armor. Blowing these sinister characters up to larger-than-life proportions to star in a dazzlingly high-tech revue only sends the message that crime does pay.

But don’t fret. I have a few ideas that should leave “Fantasmic!” viable and more socially responsible. And all it takes is a little creative thinking (plus maybe a few hundred thou’ worth of retooling).

Take the Wicked Queen from “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.” Ignore for a moment how unrealistic this fairy tale is for today’s audiences (try getting even a slightly tainted apple past a U.S. Department of Agriculture inspector these days). The reason she gave the poison apple to Snow White is because she was vain and the mirror on the wall told her someone else was more beautiful, right?

Instead of allowing Mickey Mouse to destroy her (male-female relations are tough enough without messages like this), couldn’t “Fantasmic’s!” creators have her make a few trips to the Sports Connection? After toning up a bit, she might visit a cosmetic surgeon to get that nasty nose curve straightened, and then maybe a few sessions with a therapist to work on her negative body image. Voila! She and Ms. White could end up on a double date.

Then there’s the Maleficent, the Witch from “Sleeping Beauty” who turns into the monstrous dragon that is slain in the movie by the handsome prince, and in “Fantasmic!” by Mickey.

Wanton violence in either case, and as any parent can tell you, there’s far too much of that on TV and in the movies and in the streets already. With all the charm that Mickey possesses to soothe the savage beast, and these being the enlightened ‘90s, he should befriend the dragon rather than kill him. (And did anyone ever check to see whether this particular reptile is on the endangered species list?)

To cure the creature of his nasty and destructive habit of breathing fire (which could be retained as a metaphor for the dangers of smoking), Mickey might alleviate the whole issue with a well-aimed bucket of soapy water. Whoosh! The dragon becomes a bubble-blowing pal instead of a flame-spouting enemy.

Of course, these are just off the top of my head. The point is how easy it would be to generate friendliness, rather than taking the easy way out. Haven’t we seen enough of the damage caused by those nattering nabobs of negativism? These are the same doomsayers who try to con us into believing that only by confronting the shadowy side of human nature--whether through art, literature or self-reflection--can any of us ever remove that shadow’s power to direct our actions.

Better, I say, to ignore what evils still may lurk in the hearts of men (and/or women) and maybe they’ll go away. It’s like Shakespeare said: “Do as the heavens have done, forget your evil.” What this world needs is more niceness. Or as he put it somewhere else: “All’s nice that ends nice.”

Your friend,

Randy Lewis