If Their Boasts Held Up, They Would Be Gold

Some wanna-be athletes whose entries for the U.S. Olympic track and field trials in New Orleans this weekend were rejected have amazing credentials--if you believe them.

One man claimed he lost 200 pounds and could run the 200 meters faster than Michael Johnson, the top U.S. runner.

“The guy came into the office and told us he’d been working out and lost 200 pounds getting ready for the trials,” said Carolyn Viator, who helped process 2,079 entries. “I believed that--he looked good. What I didn’t believe is that he ran the 200 in 19.43.”

Johnson’s best time is 19.88 seconds.

Add trials: Another man wrote to say he had been training against cars and could run 30 m.p.h. Not likely, since 30 m.p.h. is about 3 m.p.h. faster than world record holder Carl Lewis’ top speed.

Yet another disappointed applicant pleaded, “Why isn’t there an event for running backward?”

Quick learner: Before the United Negro College Fund dinner, Lee Trevino was waiting in the presidential holding room for President George Bush.

“I got thirsty and reached over and got some bottled water,” Trevino told Burt Darden of Golf World. “Then one of those guys who has an ear plug and a big bulge in his coat told me I couldn’t touch the water. I put it back and they brought in some more of those guys. I spent the rest of the night with my hands in my pockets.”

Trivia time: Who drafted Scottie Pippin, and how did he become a member of the Chicago Bulls?

The real test: Jay Leno hasn’t seen the movie, “A League of Their Own,” featuring Madonna, who plays a baseball player, but he thinks Madonna is suited for the role.

“Well, she’s already had so much experience grabbing herself, she should be great,” he said.

Hot stuff: The Texas Rangers’ Nolan Ryan is 20 years short of 65, but he will be one of the honored guests when the Mexican restaurant El Cholo holds its “We’re Proud to be 65” anniversary party Thursday night. The Ryan connection: Joe Saldaino, the guest chef, is from Alvin, Tex., Ryan’s hometown.

So what? Complaints that Shaquille O’Neal lacks an outside game don’t hold water for veteran NBA scout Lee Rose.

“That’s like looking at Barbra Streisand and saying she’s got a crooked nose,” Rose said.

Trivia answer: Pippen was drafted by Seattle with the fifth overall pick in 1987 and traded on draft day to the Bulls for draft rights to Olden Polynice and a second-round pick.

Not-so-happy birthday: Scott Aldred turned 24 Saturday, and things couldn’t have gone worse for the Detroit Tiger pitcher. He gave up five runs in 3 1/3 innings against Baltimore, dropping his record to 2-6 with a 6.99 earned-run average in 12 starts. After the game, he was sent down to the Tigers’ triple-A Toledo team.

“I gave him one more chance, but he had an ERA of seven,” Manager Sparky Anderson said. “It was keeping me up nights.”

Quotebook: Dennis Moore of Chicago, on taking an extended lunch without his boss’ knowledge to attend a Bull victory rally Tuesday: “No job is more important than the Bulls.”