A Positive Reaction to HIV : Kirk Moretti Gets Support After Revealing His Condition on TV

Kirk Moretti remembers that Wednesday five weeks ago as if it were yesterday. “I worked all day, but all I could think about was the show that night,” says Moretti.

The show that the 24-year-old playground assistant refers to is “48 Hours,” the CBS news magazine. That week’s episode, called “The Killer Next Door,” focused on the AIDS epidemic in Orange County. Among the segments was one which featured Moretti, who lives in Cypress, making the most challenging phone call of his life. During a conversation with his parents back in Lees Summit, Miss., Moretti shared the news he’d withheld from them for three years.

He told them he was HIV positive.

“By the time the show aired, I’d talked with everyone in my family and everyone at school, so I already knew I had a lot of personal support,” recalls Moretti, who has just finished his third year as an assistant in the extended day-care program at Rossmoor Elementary School in Los Alamitos. “But what the school district feared, I think, was a backlash from parents. I didn’t think it would be that bad, but when you work with kids, you never know. I was very conscious of the fact that the possibilities of a negative reaction were much greater than if I worked in an office.”

After the program aired, Rossmoor principal Laurel Telfer sent letters to parents assuring them that the disease cannot be transmitted through casual contact.

“We realize that children model the behavior they see from adults,” the letter concluded. “We at Rossmoor intend to be positive models for our students, responding in a rational and caring manner. We encourage you to use this opportunity to talk to your children about sensible health care and respect for human dignity.”

Moretti said that the day after the broadcast, “there were a couple of kids who backed off whenever I got near them,” he says. “At lunch, one little girl said: ‘Get away from me. You have rabies!’ I can laugh about it now, but at the time it really hurt my feelings. What was great was that one of the other little girls spoke up and ended up explaining the difference between HIV and AIDS.”

There were also two students whose parents removed them from the extended day care program the day after the story aired.

But Moretti says what hasn’t happened since the program aired on May 27 is, in some ways, more remarkable than what has. There have been no storms of protest from parents at the school.

Moretti says, for the most part, there has been a groundswell of support that he hopes may symbolize a turning point in the way people perceive those who are HIV positive.

“I’d love to think that all the support I’ve felt over the past five weeks is an indication that the stigma is gone, that people have become a lot more educated and aware about HIV and AIDS,” says Moretti.

“I’ve had parents come up to me on the playground and tell me how much they respect me for going public. A lot of the kids made me cards. And one of the teachers who I didn’t even think liked me started to cry when she heard the news. It’s surprising to find out how much people think of you.”

The events of the past weeks also launched a dialogue that has given school administrators, teachers, students and parents a chance to ask questions and address their fears.

“I have some of the greatest conversations since the show ran,” says Moretti. “I’ve had kids ask me, ‘Do you have AIDS? Are you going to die?’ They’re curious and they want to understand. It’s gotten a touchy subject out in the open in a really healthy way. It’s been a real education for everyone involved.”

Moretti’s outlook and attitude regarding disclosing his HIV status has changed radically since he learned he was HIV positive back in 1989.

“I didn’t want anyone to know at first,” he recalls. “I felt like it was a big, dark secret that I needed to keep to myself.”

But Moretti says he reached a point in his life earlier this year where he felt it was time to announce it, not only to his parents, but to his employer and all the other people in his life. The opportunity to do it on national television, he admits, intrigued him.

“As an HIV positive person, I didn’t think I should have to be ashamed of this disease,” he explains. “I have a life-threatening illness, and to hide it or to feel guilt or shame is detrimental to my own health. I remember thinking how sad it is that people can be more afraid of how their friends and family will react than they are of the disease itself. I just didn’t want to be one of those people anymore.”

Moretti says allowing a “48 Hours” crew to tape such an intensely private moment was his own way of helping shatter the silence.

“I think it’s important that people know there are healthy HIV positive people living and working in their community,” he says. “HIV is not about them . It’s about us. All of us. People really need to get that. I did it so that other young people who are HIV positive and living in secrecy could see that the process of coming out can be positive.”

Rob Eichberg, a Santa Fe, N.M., clinical psychologist and author of “Coming Out: An Act of Love,” says: “Most people think of ‘coming out’ in terms of revealing one’s sexuality, but there’s a lot more to it than telling someone you’re gay. What coming out really means is living truthfully, powerfully and with integrity in all areas of your life.”

Eichberg says that while there can be clear risks associated with disclosing one’s HIV status, especially on the job, he encourages his clients to carefully weigh the benefits of being truthful against the potential losses involved.

“The benefits of being truthful and open are enormous,” Eichberg says. “When you tell the truth and are open, it allows you to reduce the stress associated with hiding and feeling isolated. It empowers you to address your overall health concerns in a much more productive way, as well as to receive support from others.”

Now that the initial flurry of attention generated by the program has blown over, Moretti has shifted his attention toward the future, a concept he’d lost faith in three years ago when he temporarily quit school and racked up his credit cards buying himself “lots of presents.”

Last week, he re-enrolled at Cypress City College and continues his summer job as an assistant with the Los Alamitos district’s summer camp program at Hopkinson Elementary School. In the fall, he’ll return to his full-time position at Rossmoor Elementary.

His work provides him with an opportunity to effect a change that may ultimately prove far more long-lasting than a minute or two on national television.

“I met last week with the assistant superintendent in charge of personnel,” says Moretti. “I really want to find out what kind of HIV and AIDS education and prevention program our district has in place on the high school level. I’d like to bring speakers in to talk to the students and help develop a program that’ll also reach some of the older students.”

Moretti says he’s convinced that lessons such as the one he has to share aren’t learned not from books, but person to person.

“This year, a lot of students and parents were educated about HIV because of me,” he says. “But now what? What are we going to do next year? I really want to see this process continue. It’s too important not to.”