Thierry Mugler’s Heavy Metal

The video: George Michael’s “Too Funky,” now in heavy rotation on MTV and other music video shows.

The action: A fashion show where top-name models led by covergirl Linda Evangelista are victimized by Paris designer Thierry Mugler’s fantasy costumes, set to the beat of Michael’s nuevo disco. Michael’s brief appearances show only his face with the same scraggly facial hair he’s had for years. Stop watching those “Miami Vice” reruns, George: It’s a new decade.

The look: Mugler offers his tribute to the internal combustion engine with a series of heavy metal outfits that seem part Harley chic and part ’63 Chevy Impala. One metal bustier even sprouts breast-mounted rear-view mirrors and hip-mounted handlebars. For the models wearing outfits that don’t need Turtle Wax, Mugler has designed a sex kitten look last seen in “Mars Needs Women.” Especially forward-looking: platinum hair shellacked to an impenetrable shine with the help of NASA technology. Not that there’s anything wrong with Hair That Won’t Move; in fact, it’s comforting to know that something besides cockroaches will survive a nuclear holocaust. There are also strapless gowns that defy gravity and physiology, and even a white ostrich feather mane for that lion-in-drag effect.

The result: I’d give the clothes a 78. They’ve got a good beat, but you sure couldn’t dance in them. At least not without assistance.