Performing a Balancing Act in the Fast Lane : When hard work throws your emotional and mental equilibrium out of kilter, even the most trivial pursuits can put you back on track.

Remember the last time you read a novel, spent a romantic evening alone with your mate, slept in, walked on the beach, took a class just for the sake of learning or went on a vacation without bringing work along?

Probably not--especially if you’re one of those high-achieving, fast-track types who has helped transform Orange County from a sleepy suburb to a bustling urban area.

This may be an ideal place to savor the good life, but many upwardly mobile people devote so much time and energy to the pursuit of happiness that they don’t even recognize it when they have it. They’re overworked, overtired and overstressed--easy marks for that all-too-familiar, modern-day malady known as burnout.

Although their hard work has paid off in many tangible ways, they feel, deep down, that something very important is missing in their lives. Something that might enable them to slow down, rediscover parts of themselves they’ve lost and get more out of life.

What they lack is balance--a state of equilibrium that makes inner peace possible in a multiple-choice world by producing, as Webster’s puts it, “mental or emotional stability, sanity.”

Balance translates into a different set of priorities and pursuits for everyone, but most people who have it lead multifaceted lives, keeping in touch, in varying degrees, with their intellectual, social, physical, emotional and spiritual needs. They also have an internal barometer that prompts them to make adjustments in the way they spend their time when they feel they are losing their equilibrium.

“Balance is really the key to life,” says Reggie Front, a Huntington Beach therapist who sometimes rises as early as 4 a.m. to allow time for her many interests. “You need study, work, family, friends and play. You need to be able to take from people and to give. And you’ve got to laugh. All those facets create balance.”

On one typical day recently, the 64-year-old widow conducted therapy sessions, made phone calls in connection with her role as a member of the Orange County Human Relations Commission, had lunch with a group of therapist friends with whom she regularly shares the kind of talk that generates both laughter and tears, and took her 92-year-old mother-in-law out for dinner.

“I have a lot of energy, thank God,” Front says. “I get bored if I’m not doing a lot of different things.”

A hypnosis instructor taught Front how to juggle a variety of activities without feeling overwhelmed. “When you finish with one thing, you just put it away and go on to the next. You can’t dwell on what’s past or on the next thing. You have to compartmentalize,” the therapist explains.

Front sees many people in her practice who have allowed their lives to get out of balance.

“It’s very common for people to get too involved in work and not have outside activities,” she says.

She also sees people who are thrown off balance by unresolved conflicts; they focus so intensely on whatever’s bothering them about their job, their marriage, their offspring or the world that they lose sight of the resources they can use to reduce stress, keep their problems in perspective and make affirmative changes in their lives.

Jackie Singer, an Irvine psychotherapist, notes that sometimes the “hidden weight” of unconscious feelings or conflicts is what prevents people from leading balanced lives.

“If we find ourselves off balance, it may be because we haven’t taken a deep look inside and really gotten to know who we are,” she observes. “Balance is knowing the full breadth of your being and then tending to all the parts so none is neglected. Balance makes for a very rich, full life.”

Singer, who uses the ecological balance in nature as a model for her own effort to maintain a sense of inner harmony, says she can tell she’s losing her equilibrium when something she normally loves to do becomes a chore.

Another warning sign is a “laughing attack” that ends in tears, giving her relief from stress but reminding her that she’s not doing enough to release tension on a daily basis. Singer has found that the best way to do that is by sharing humor with friends.

“When I go through too many days without that, I start to feel more stress,” she explains. “Things start to take on a different tone in my life. I get too serious.”

It’s also vital to Singer to have work that gives her a sense of purpose and fulfillment. Without that, people “don’t feel good about themselves or about life,” she says.

However, she cautions, even the most meaningful work must be set aside regularly for rejuvenating leisure activity, and it isn’t easy for people who are intense about their work to wind down and play. Some, for example, turn to exercise as a form of relaxation, but end up adopting such a rigorous regimen that staying in shape becomes hard work.

“They’re looking for something to make them feel more balanced, but they add more discipline than pleasure to their lives,” Singer says. “They exercise with such zeal that it imbalances them even more.”

Singer also stresses the importance of maintaining balance in relationships. She advises marital partners to be flexible, so they can respond to each other’s needs without giving up the things that make them feel whole as individuals. Every couple needs to find the mix of togetherness and aloneness that works best for them, she notes.

Ellis Wayne, a professor of psychology at UC Irvine, agrees. Too much togetherness can cause partners to become overly dependent and to live through each other rather than establishing their own identities, he cautions.

“Two individuals can’t provide everything for each other, and if they think they can, the relationship becomes burdened and both parties eventually get frustrated,” Wayne says.

He believes everyone should develop a passion for something that gives them time away from their partner, isn’t connected to their work and provides more excitement than the average hobby.

“Everybody needs two love affairs in their life,” he says. “One is with their partner and the other is with their personal passion, be that sports, literature, painting, you name it. It has to be something that belongs only to you, that takes you away from the problems of everyday life.”

Relationships are stimulated when couples share their excitement over their outside passions with each other, he adds. “It makes each partner more interesting to the other.”

The degree of balance that Wayne and other therapists would like to see their clients achieve doesn’t come easily. It helps if you’re sensitive to signs that you’re slipping into an imbalanced state.

Marie Lee Cook, a Fountain Valley resident who is 44 but “feels like 23,” knows that’s happening when she starts feeling overwhelmed, and she responds by canceling weekend plans in order to give herself time to “get my life together.”

Every once in awhile, she also takes a day off work to catch up on the small tasks that pile up and cause her stress if they remain undone. But most of the time, Cook, who has no children, maintains a busy schedule of varied activities that give her “pleasure and self-esteem.”

Her top priority, she says, is spending time with her husband, John, with whom she enjoys biking, sailing, snow skiing and travel. Cook also works full time as a medical technologist, rises at 4:30 a.m. four times a week to do an aerobic workout before walking to her office a mile away, shops for a woman with limited mobility and does volunteer work for the homeless and other causes.

In addition, she has a hobby that she passionately pursues--redeeming coupons and refund offers. She feels out of balance if she doesn’t manage to find at least four hours a week to spend on her favorite pastime, which she says she doesn’t do for money. “I do it for the deal,” she explains. “I love getting something for nothing.”

Jeff Heller, who is celebrating his 49th birthday today, is another Orange County resident who leads an active, multidimensional life. The Irvine resident says regular exercise gives him the energy to enjoy “quality time” with his wife and two children, ages 5 and 2, while holding a demanding job in West Covina as principal at a school for the severely handicapped.

On weekdays, Heller rises at 5 a.m. and goes to a gym for an hour-and-a-half workout. Although he occasionally sleeps through the alarm, he looks forward to exercising because it keeps his stress level down and helps him stay “centered”--that is, focused on what’s most important in his life.

He knows he’s getting out of balance when he allows a problem to take over his thoughts, interfering with his ability to think clearly and move forward.

“Once in a while, I find myself doing too many things at one time, and that takes away a lot of energy,” he adds. “It’s like trying to run on air instead of fuel.”

Cheryl Mathieson, a 33-year-old Huntington Beach resident, says she loses her ability to concentrate and be productive when she allows the demands of one part of her life to command a disproportionate share of her attention and energy.

“If I let it get too bad, I’ll feel it physically,” she adds. “My stomach might start to bother me or my body might ache because I’m feeling tight and tense.”

Mathieson, who writes in a personal journal to relieve stress, needs a mix of activities that provide intellectual stimulation, social contact, relaxation and exercise in order to maintain a sense of balance.

She’s a full-time student working toward a master’s degree in marital and family therapy, and she works out at a gym three times a week and takes her dog for walks daily. She and her husband, Rono, have an active social life and like to travel.

Although loved ones keep hinting that it’s time to start a family, they’ve decided to postpone having children until Mathieson finishes school. While her kids are little, she wants to be able to focus on their needs instead of trying to be a “supermom” and keep a demanding career going at the same time.

“Putting well-meaning advice aside and feeling comfortable with my own choices is half the battle for the achievement of a feeling of balance,” Mathieson explains.

She adds: “What gives me the feeling of obtaining balance in my life is the acceptance that I can have all that I need, but not necessarily at the same time. My peace of mind comes from knowing that I am able to balance my needs throughout my life, with some portions requiring more emphasis at certain times. Tenaciously trying to balance love, family, work, exercise, etc., every day for the rest of my life takes too much joy and spontaneity out of my existence.”