Tragedy Chronicled in a Diary of Death : Suicide: Carson man wrote that he was sick and his wife terminally ill. After consulting Tarot cards, he killed her, then himself. Authorities say there is evidence she was not a willing victim.

For days, officials say, 66-year-old Robert Anzai had struggled with the notion of killing his wife. Sitting in their modest condominium in Carson, he wrote lengthy passages in a diary, trying to prepare himself to pull the trigger.

“He was apparently writing notes to himself. In effect, ‘Why am I procrastinating about this? It has to be done,’ ” said Lt. William Sieber, a sheriff’s homicide investigator. Searching for answers, Anzai turned to a pack of Tarot cards and did dozens of readings, Sieber said. On a yellow legal pad, Anzai left a handwritten record of which cards came up.

Then, sometime earlier this week, officials believe Anzai penned a short note to the world and did what he had told himself he had to do. Deputies on Thursday, responding to calls from worried neighbors, entered the Anzais’ immaculate living room and found Maria Aparecida Anzai dead in a recliner chair, a bullet wound in her chest, a bouquet of blue and white plastic flowers in her hands. She would have turned 63 on Friday.

Robert Anzai, a retired merchant mariner, lay on the floor nearby, the victim of what the Los Angeles County coroner’s office said Friday was a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head. Authorities believe his wife was not a willing victim.

Anzai’s suicide note, which was not addressed to anyone, said that “he was extremely ill and that his wife suffered from terminal cancer and he did not believe that he was going to survive much longer,” said Sieber. “He had this absolute fear that there would be no one to take care of her. While he deplored the idea of taking her life, he felt it was necessary.”

But on Friday, the Anzais’ next-door neighbor questioned whether Robert Anzai--whose friends called him “George”--had mercy on his mind. Maria Anzai was suffering from terminal cancer, said the neighbor, who asked that his name not be used. But Mrs. Anzai’s condition had been diagnosed nearly 20 years before and, so far, she had beaten the odds. She had many close friends and three children who would have taken care of her if she were alone, the neighbor said.

“To me, he was selfish. He didn’t want to go without her,” said the 32-year-old neighbor, who said his parents and the Anzais had been among the first people to move into the Avalon Greens condominium complex in 1984. “I love the man and who am I to judge? But he shouldn’t have shot her. She loved life so much that she defied medical wisdom. She was so strong.”

Pink roses and red geraniums bloom in front of the Anzais’ beige stucco unit in the 23300 block of South Anchor Avenue. The fenced-in complex is tidy and cheerful, with lush lawns and leafy trees.

Maria Anzai fit right in, the neighbor said. She kept her house and yard spotless. She was known for her Portuguese delicacies and, if she ever scolded the local children, she always softened her criticisms with an offer of a fresh-baked treat.

But Robert Anzai was different, the neighbor said. He talked about mysticism, read Tarot cards and read Satanic books, the neighbor said. Although Anzai was not as seriously ill as his wife, the neighbor said, he lacked her love of life.

“He was so insecure and so scaredy-cat in (his way of) living,” said the neighbor, who said he last saw the Anzais on Tuesday night.

What officials found in the Anzai home indicated that Robert Anzai had made extensive preparations. The kitchen seemed to have been emptied, Sieber said, so no food would spoil. The cupboards were nearly empty, except for some noodle soup and five cans of pork and beans. Near the bodies, investigators found the Anzais’ wills, burial information, tax records and a five-figure life insurance policy.

“The affairs were all laid out,” Sieber said. “The whole house seemed to be in readiness to depart.”

Officials believe that Anzai killed his wife as she sat in her recliner chair, delivering what appeared to be a single shot to the chest.

“Her hair was combed and she looked as though she was at rest,” said Sieber, who said he thinks Anzai probably placed the plastic bouquet in his wife’s hands after he shot her.

Then, Anzai apparently sat down in a second recliner chair in front of the television, arranged a terry cloth towel behind his head and shot himself with a semiautomatic handgun, Sieber said. Apparently, the force of the blast threw him to the floor.

The careful placement of the towel, Sieber said, was consistent with the rest of Anzai’s preparations.

“It was this meticulous thing,” he said, “so he wouldn’t mess up the chair.”

Sieber said that Anzai’s diary was found in another room, along with some books on mysticism and the handwritten list of Tarot readings. It was unknown whether the readings had played a part, Sieber said, in his decision to end his wife’s life.

The neighbor shared Sieber’s belief that Robert Anzai acted alone, without the blessing of his wife.

“She wasn’t ready to go,” the neighbor said, “and I know it.”