High Life : Array of Supplies Puts Student in School Daze : Shopping: It’s time to hit the books, not the bank, but stores are pushing gimmicks rather than basics.

August has never been worth much as a month. For students, it simply reminds us how few days we have left to spend at the beach or attend a party on a weeknight.

After all, school is right around the corner.

A sure sign of August’s arrival is the volume of advertising and effort put into selling back-to-school supplies.

Stores know all students need them, so their challenge is getting you to purchase the most absurd--and no doubt most expensive--pencils, paper and notebooks available.

Perhaps the most intensive promotion any store has undertaken this year is Target’s campaign using the characters of Blossom and Joey from the NBC TV show “Blossom.”

Upon entering any Target store, shoppers are bombarded by seemingly hundreds of posters of the duo wearing T-shirts with a Crayola-esque drawing of the world and the printing “Earth to School.” This must imply, I guess, that the store’s school supplies are somehow more kind to our ecological system.

The campaign is based upon the assumption that high school students actually watch the TV show in question, not to mention care what kind of school supplies its characters prefer.

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The fact is, I don’t know anyone who watches “Blossom,” as its target audience appears to be preteens. But then, perhaps teeny-boppers really do want to use a notebook endorsed by a TV character.

And how about Mead’s attempt to sell its five-star notebook on the assumption that sex can sell everything, even school supplies? But taken to this level, it’s simply a corny approach.

The TV commercial is set in a library, where we find a teen-age boy hard at work studying. He is surprised when a girl sits next to him. As she admires his backpack and notebook, he fantasizes that she is interested in him.

Then another girl sits next to him and touches his nylon backpack as if it were some forbidden fruit. She thinks to herself how strong it appears, and he imagines she’s admiring his biceps.

When was the last time a girl or a guy took the time to sit down and admire your backpack or notebook? It hasn’t happened and it won’t happen, so don’t believe the right school supplies will win you instant popularity or attention.

When it comes down to it, most students are looking for the basics in supplies: a backpack that’s strong enough to hold all your books--which seem to grow in number with every new school year--a few binders, maybe some spiral notebooks, lots of paper and at least 20 pens and pencils.

Yet manufacturers are convinced you need a whole lot more, or at least want to convince you that you do.

I found the most unusual notebook at both the Price Club and K-Mart. It has games printed inside--either football or basketball--and they’re designed for two players.

There are some major flaws with this.

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If the manufacturer meant for them to be used outside of the classroom--and let’s hope that’s the case--they didn’t realize that most students don’t spend their free time playing games; they’d rather talk with their friends.

Also, teachers have enough trouble getting students to pay attention in class without having to compete with notebook sports.

Finally, the distraction of two students playing a game in class is pretty obvious, and I know few teachers who would let them get away with it.

By the way, what’s up with all those different kinds of pencils? Gone are the days of simple yellow, No. 2 pencils. In their place are psychedelic colors and barrels in triangular shapes. They’ve even got pencils that are pre-grooved for your fingers--as if by high school you don’t know how to hold one.

To make matters worse, the fancy pencils are sold in packages of two . Because I could lose two pencils during a single class period without any effort, I guess I’ll need to clear out the store’s stock to make it through the school year.

They even sell the kind of really wide pencils that you learned to write with in kindergarten but could never fit your fingers around. But since these won’t fit in any kind of pencil sharpener, you might want to purchase a Swiss army knife for some whittling.

But don’t take that supply to school!