Is Recession Taking a Toll on Marriages? : Economy: California’s hard times may strike middle-class couples hardest because they are discovering that no one is immune, experts say.
Jobs may be in short supply these days, but marital stress isn’t.
Marriages are often crippled by financial problems, and hard times in the California economy have wounded a good many. Short of money, many couples fight more, and some head for divorce court.
Ironically, California’s longest recession in decades also seems to be keeping some couples together, even when they’d rather split. With real estate depressed and cash in short supply, many affluent pairs find separating too costly.
“One thing that research consistently shows is that finances are often the most common source of conflict under any circumstance,” says Gayla Margolin, professor of psychology at USC and director of the Family Studies Project there. “So when you add in a financial crisis, such as one or both people losing a job, it becomes especially difficult.”
A study by Eastern Michigan University found that fathers under financial pressure were more likely to be depressed and have more marital problems. Another study, at Oregon State University, found that couples in which the husband was underemployed feel dissatisfied with their financial situation and are less happy in their marriages.
“For most men in a traditional family, a lot of their self esteem is tied into their ability to work and take care of their family,” says Ardag Tachian, a social worker and partner in Alliance for Human Growth, a counseling practice in Northridge and Santa Clarita.
He adds that middle-class marriages are often most at risk because they are finding out for the first time that they are not immune from a recession.
“Financial difficulties accentuate the other problems . . . in a marriage,” says Marsha Elser, a Miami divorce attorney and president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. These problems can include child rearing, in-laws, intimacy and communication.
There is no statistical evidence linking the number of couples seeking divorce in Los Angeles County to local economic woes, but counselors say that losing a job can often bring marriages and families to the boiling point.
Depression is a common effect because unemployment or underemployment often leads people to feel that they are letting loved ones down, Margolin says.
Children tend to pick up on such problems quickly and they can be frightened if they feel their security is endangered.
Says Margolin: “The more parents can say to the child, ‘These are the things that are going to stay the same and these are the things that are going to change,’ that helps them have a sense of security and coping together as a family.”
For couples in the upper-income bracket, conversely, the recession means that they may have to postpone a contemplated divorce until the economy rebounds.
“Clearly, when real estate prices were going up 10% a year, more people were getting a divorce,” says Daniel Jaffe, a Beverly Hills divorce lawyer. “Today, with real estate down and businesses going into bankruptcy, couples are putting it off.”
Jaffe’s typical client earns more than $150,000 a year and has a net worth of $1.5 million.
“But most of that is tied up in the equity in their house, which they bought for $200,000 and may be worth $1 million today,” he says. “There is no way to get at that wealth to facilitate the process (of divorce). A lot of people are just waiting it out.”
Michelle Katz, a Century City lawyer, confirms that the once-booming California real estate market has kept together wealthy couples seeking legal separation.
“Instead of filing for divorce, people are hobbling along in these awful relationships,” she says, adding that many women are calling to set up a consultation just to find out what their rights are.
“My sense is they are toying with the idea of dissolution, but then they decide to hang in there and wait it out,” Katz says. “It’s the worst time I’ve ever seen in my 15 years of practicing family law. People are very frustrated.”
Counseling might help, but there is a Catch-22 when it comes to therapy for financial stress. People who are unemployed and facing economic hardship often cannot afford it. If they’ve lost a job, they might not even be eligible for benefits to pay for counseling.
“It is a difficult time for people who need help but who at the same time are facing financial reversal,” says Richard Varnes, vice president of clinical services and training at the California Family Studies Center in North Hollywood, a low-cost counseling center that sees 500 to 600 people a week.
“When they start getting into priorities, survival becomes first and therapy becomes a luxury.”
