Hey, Zamboanga: Pick on Someone Your Own Size

Scandal shorthand:

Milli Vanilli -- musicians who are not what they seem.

Manila Vanilli -- Little League baseball players who are not what they seem.

Hello again, everybody, and welcome once again to our live coverage of the Little League World Series here in lovely Williamsport, Pa.

And there go the boys from Long Beach onto the field, to the applause of their parents and friends from back home in California.

They sure do look, uh, younger than the other team.

Anyhow, we seem to be ready for the first pitch, so let’s play ball!

Up steps the leadoff man for Zamboanga City, the Philippines-- Number 22, the shortstop, Junior Marcos.

Junior takes the cigar from his mouth and digs in.

Low. Ball 1.

It could be a little tricky pitching to Junior, him being 6-feet-4 and all.

Low. Ball 2.

Let’s take a look here at Junior’s biography while we’ve got a moment.

Born: Zamboanga Heights. Year: Nineteen . . . uh, I’m having some trouble reading this . . . something seems to have been scratched out.

Strike at the knees.

Let’s find out more about the batter: I see where Junior attended Joe Frazier Elementary School in the Philippines. What else does it say here? Likes: Poker, women, fast cars. Dislikes: G-rated movies, New Kids on the Block, military coups.

Ball 3. Inside.

I had a chance to speak with the Philippines’ coach, R. Hugh Younger, prior to the game. He told me these Zamboanga boys really do mature early, the little rascals.

Here’s the 3-1 pitch to Junior Marcos and there it goes! Back, back . . . and gone, 450 feet to dead center field.

Powerful little dude for his age.

The Long Beach crowd is calling out for their team to shake it off. Hey, it’s just one run. There’s a long way to go. And everything is fair and square. I mean, it’s not like this team is from the entire Philippine islands or anything like that.

Here’s the second batter, Pee Wee Aquino.

The Filipino first sacker takes his warm-up swings, throws two of his three bats away and steps into the box.

Strike. Outside corner.

Let’s find out a little something about Pee Wee. Born: Zamboanga del Mar. Date: Nineteen . . . uh, darn, I can’t seem to make this one out, either. Pee Wee is a pre-law major and works during the off-season at Imelda’s Discount Shoe Boutique at the Zamboanga Mall.

Ball. Too low.

Pee Wee spits some chewing tobacco from his mouth and steps back in. Here’s the pitch . . . and there it goes! Back, back . . . and gone, 500 feet, over the roof of Williamsport Lumber across the street.

Wow, this kid definitely has some muscle for 12 years old.

Long Beach Manager Jeff Burroughs, a former major leaguer, is going out to speak with the home-plate umpire now. He appears to be asking why the Filipino Little Leaguers are bigger than he is.

I had a chance to speak with Jeff prior to the game, and he told me he has been concerned ever since overhearing several Zamboanga players discussing which candidate they intended to vote for in the next election.

Well, as we all know, each Little League team selects outstanding players from its own area.

For example, this Long Beach team represents some of the best young baseball players from a large Southern California community. It’s not surprising that a town the size of Long Beach could come up with such an excellent ballclub.

It is, however, somewhat surprising that Zamboanga City has been able to field such a fine team, seeing as how the entire city of Zamboanga City has a population of 9.

Time to resume play.

Here’s the No. 3 hitter for the Philippines, the catcher, Yogi Zamboanga.

Great-great-grandson of city fathers, Yogi is a husky 240-pound preteen who spends his winters on a construction crew driving heavy equipment.

Ball. Outside.

You may remember Yogi was the hero of yesterday’s 15-14 victory over Taiwan. He drove in six runs and later drove the team van to Pizza Hut for dinner.

High. Ball 2.

I had a chance to speak to some of the Long Beach players prior to the game, and they told me the thing they liked best about the players from the Philippines was that they could use them after the game as parental guardians to get into the movies.

Here’s the pitch and Yogi drives it deep, back, back . . . and gone, 550 feet into the parking lot, knocking over some of his Filipino teammates’ motorcycles.

Wait. Long Beach’s players are leaving the field! They have gone into a telephone booth!

Jeff? Jeff Burroughs? Who are your players calling?

“The San Diego Padres. If the Philippines can take players from their area, so can we. Let’s see how they like pitching to Fred McGriff.”