ON-RAMP : Prelude to a Claim
My auto insurance was canceled recently because my car has been stolen twice in the last year. Is the car in question a Mercedes-Benz? Is it even new? Oh no. It’s a 1983 Honda Prelude with 104,000 miles on it. And my question is why, why, why, why, why, why, why would anybody want to steal that car? Whatever happened to stealing luxury cars? Have our schools gotten so bad that the criminals they turn out don’t know that $12,000 is more than $1,200?
It’s the most stolen car in Southern California. Not my car specifically, of course, but the Honda Prelude, because of the lucrative black market in Honda seats. So I call my insurance agent and tell him that my car’s been stolen again and he says to me, “Oh. The company is not going to like this, Tim.” Not going to like this? Well, then get out of the insurance business, I say.
That’s how it works. I give them lots of money for a long time and now I want some of it back. He says: “The company is not going to be happy Tim.” Well, I’m sorry I let you down. So he says, “Where did you leave the car? Where was it stolen this time?” At the airport, I tell him, and he says, “Well there you go. Everybody knows you can’t leave your car at the airport.”
What do you mean everybody knows you can’t leave your car at the airport? If everybody knew that there wouldn’t have been a sea of cars parked around me that would seem to indicate a number of us didn’t get the newsletter concerning parking at the airport and theft probability. So he says, “Well, how long did you leave it there?” And I say six days. And he says, “Well, why don’t you just give the car away? Why don’t you just give it away? What are you trying to do, bleed us to death?”
I can’t believe it. I’m the bad guy now because I parked at the airport. So they cancel me and now I have shop around for another insurance company that will want me to have a security system. What I really want, instead of a driver’s-side air bag, is a driver’s-side boxing glove that explodes from the steering wheel and coldcocks the next clown that tries to steal my car.
You see, that’s what happens. As you get older, things like this happen to you and you get nastier and nastier and finally you become a Republican.
