High Life : A WEEKLY FORUM FOR HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS : Facing the Trickle-Down Pain of Divorce
It’s often difficult for teens to talk with their parents, but when mother and father are living apart, it’s especially difficult to stay close to both.
Hot Topics asks, “What do children of divorce want their parents to know?”
“Kids of divorced parents want their parents to know that they love them equally, no matter what one parent tries to give them to gain favoritism.”
Bryan Westerfeld, 17,
senior, Brea-Olinda
“I hope you learn from your mistakes, because I did.”
Janelle Adams, 14,
freshman, Brethren Christian
“Why did you get a divorce in the first place?”
Tuyen Sam, 17,
senior, Los Amigos
“I would encourage my parents to still keep in contact and be friends. Having my parents divorced has showed me that a divorce is not, and should not, hamper the relationship between you and each of your parents.”
Araya Solomon, 16,
senior, Edison
“I don’t want to be a pawn in their petty little wars.”
Heidi Trogue, 17,
senior, Trabuco Hills
“That nothing is more painful to a child than to see conflict between his parents. It agitates his most basic insecurities. Parents should also know that children don’t understand the reasons behind divorce and almost always blame themselves for the problem.”
Aaron Hunt, 17,
senior, Marina
“I understand, and don’t love them any less because of it.”
Tiana Mondaca, 16,
junior, California Lutheran
“The most important thing is to let the kids know that they are not the cause of it, and act like adults about the whole thing.”
Tila Duhaine, 17,
senior, Huntington Beach
“I want them to not argue as much.”
Amory Brunner, 15,
sophomore, Capistrano Valley
“They want them to get back together again.”
Scott Vu, 17,
senior, St. Michael’s Prep
“They can’t feel what it was like to go through childhood with only one parent when all your friends have two. To go to the soccer games and everything, to never have your mom and dad there at the same time. It’s rough!”
Nathan Reish, 16,
junior, El Dorado
“That it doesn’t matter if they get divorced, but it’s important that they stay around and still do their job as a parent.”
Shannon Hilgers, 18,
senior, St. Margaret’s
“I want my parents to stop all of their arguing and fighting, and I wanted them to know that it kills us, too. When they hurt, we hurt 10 times more.”
Timerie James, 16,
senior, Rancho Alamitos
“I wish they would stay together, but their choice is their choice.”
Audra Neubauer, 14,
freshman, Katella
“I hate it when one talks about the other’s bad qualities. They don’t have to make the other sound horrible just to make themselves look good. It’s not something we want to know; plus, it doesn’t matter because we love them both equally.”
Katherine Moses, 16,
junior, Brea-Olinda
“What about me?”
Shawnda Pearson, 16,
junior, Brethren Christian
“It has been to my benefit that I never ever knew my dad, because he was irresponsible and took no part in helping to raise me.”
Michelle Severson, 17,
senior, Trabuco Hills
“It could have worked out if you took some time.”
Doug Shiery, 16,
junior, California Lutheran
“I get mad when my parents fight and use me as a hostage saying, ‘If you don’t do this, I won’t let you see him.’ ”
Craig Reade, 16,
junior, Huntington Beach
“I don’t blame them if they can’t get along, but I still support both of them.”
Quynh Nguyen, 17,
senior, Los Amigos
“I would tell my parents that I’m happy with their decision, because it is better for me to have happy parents than have them fighting all the time.”
Courtney Warlan, 16,
junior, Edison
“We’re hurt and want to know why. Parents should try their best not to get their kids caught in the middle.”
Wes Graham, 15,
sophomore, Capistrano Valley
“Both parents be concerned with what’s going on in the kid’s life.”
Jason Loewen, 16,
junior, St. Margaret’s
“That (the children) support the decision and it gives them independence and a better understanding of who they are.”
Courtney Johnson, 17,
senior, El Dorado
“How unfair I thought it was, and how much trouble and pain they were causing all of us.”
Jaime Franklin, 16,
junior, Rancho Alamitos
“They want you to take sides, but I don’t want to.”
Jillian Bressler, 15,
sophomore, Katella
“I love them both and am happy if they are.”
Ryan R. Murphy, 17,
senior, Brea-Olinda
“I lost a lot of respect for my father, because he was never really there when I needed him most.”
Gina Wentzel, 17,
senior, Trabuco Hills
“Whatever problems the parents have should stay between the parents and not involve the child.”
Carrie Quinn, 16,
junior, Edison
Next Week’s Hot Topic:
Of what are you superstitious?
Responses gathered by Hallie Kim (Brea-Olinda), Mandy Werner (Brethren Christian), Dolores Gusman (California Lutheran), Julie Kim (Capistrano Valley), David Brinkman (Edison), Sunshine Arena (El Dorado), Morgan Howard (Huntington Beach), David Fitzgerald (Katella), Jennifer Chau (Los Amigos), Veronica Lee (Marina), Detra Vickers (Rancho Alamitos), Brooke Lyons (St. Margaret’s), Eric Thomson (St. Michael’s Prep) and Michele Hainley (Trabuco Hills).
