Driving 200 M.P.H. on an Oval Is Nothing Compared to This

Richard Petty, who will drive in his final race today, the Hooters 500 in Atlanta, is known as a fearless driver--to a point.

Several years ago, when he was scheduled to drive at Riverside International Raceway, he was picked up at the airport by publicist Al Franken.

Franken automatically handed the car keys to Petty. Petty handed them back, saying: “I don’t want to drive on the L.A. freeways. They’re too dangerous. You drive.”

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Trivia time: Who holds the NFL record for most touchdowns on kickoff returns in a season?

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Sharks or guppies? Columnist Art Spander, of the San Francisco Examiner, commenting on the San Jose Sharks, the last-place team in the NHL’s Smythe Division:

“The big question seems to be whether Northern California becomes hockey country before the Sharks become a hockey team, and the way the Sharks seem to be tripping over our expectations--the 12 people out there who have expectations--the race seems to be neck and neck.”

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Foreign concern: Even though it’s not a hot topic of debate at Paris cafes, the news has reached the French public: The Super Bowl champion Washington Redskins are struggling.

“Les Heros Sont Fatigues,” read the headline in the French sports daily L’Equipe.

Translation: “The Heroes Are Tired.”

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Backing it up: Philadelphia linebacker Seth Joyner commenting on the Raiders before the Eagles won last Sunday, 31-10:

“You’ve got to put fear in people. They come in here, they’re going to get beat up. And not only are they going to get beat up, they’re going to be humiliated. We’re going to rub their faces in it.”

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Small consolation: Pam Shriver, who won a tennis match in Oakland on Nov. 3, Election Day, commented: “Well, at least one Republican won today.”

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Boxing bear: Tim Ryan, former USC defensive tackle who plays for the Chicago Bears, has been boxing since he was 6. Ryan scoffs at Mark Gastineau’s prowess in the ring.

“Gastineau gives pro football players a bad name when he’s in the ring,” Ryan told the Chicago Tribune. “I don’t care if he trains with Muhammad Ali for the next 10 years, he’ll never be a world champion.

“If I were to train for a few months, I could definitely beat him in the ring.”

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Back to school: Keith Gilbertson, football coach at California, on the $50,000 in loans a nuclear engineer made to Washington quarterback Billy Joe Hobert:

“If I knew nuclear physicists made that much money, I would have studied harder.”

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P.R. problem: The New York Giants have won their last three games, so some heat has been taken off beleaguered Coach Ray Handley.

Said General Manager George Young: “John Gotti gets better pub in the tabloids than our coach.”

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Trivia answer: Green Bay’s Travis Williams with four in 1967.

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Quotebook: Charles Barkley, asked after the Phoenix Suns’ season opener how that game compared to exhibition play: “You can’t compare preseason to regular season. Preseason is just a way to screw fans out of money.”