Steps to Building Confidence on Winter Slopes : When introducing youngsters to the sport of skiing, put safety and fun ahead of challenge.

“I hate skiing,” Matt said through clenched teeth after he’d fallen for the umpteenth time. “I’m never going skiing again.” I didn’t blame him. Terrible conditions had made an easy intermediate run much too difficult for a 6-year-old, not to mention his thirtysomething mom. It wasn’t any fun. We were forced to navigate around icy patches and bare spots all the way to the bottom. It was cold. Matt was close to tears. No wonder he’d lost all of his confidence.

Fortunately, it wasn’t a permanent loss. The next day, his dad coaxed him into trying just once more, on the gentlest slope at the ski area. This time, Matt was in high spirits when they got to the bottom, his confidence restored. He skied happily for the rest of the trip--on novice slopes.

The moral of the story: It’s always better--and a lot more fun--for kids to ski easily on gentler terrain than to struggle their way down more challenging turf. “Children need to build self confidence,” explains John Alderson, who helped develop the Beaver Creek, Colo., children’s program and now travels the country teaching ski instructors how to teach children.

Alderson and other instructors explain that children do far better on hills where they feel safe and don’t need to feel challenged the way adults do.

In fact, pushing them too hard to ski difficult runs can have disastrous results.

“Generally, when we get children who ski very defensively it’s because parents have pushed them onto terrain that’s too steep. The kids will be very tense,” explains Nancy Westfeldt, supervisor of the children’s ski program at Snowmass Ski Area in Colorado.

“Let them ski the easier terrain and perfect their skills,” advises Westfeldt, herself the mother of six-year-old triplets. “They will have more fun.”

And that, of course, is the point. Especially now. These days it’s no cheap thrill to take the kids and head for the slopes. Typically, it will cost upwards of $50 a day per child between equipment, lessons and a lift ticket. At those prices, you certainly don’t want to feel you’re paying for your kids to be miserable.

(Don’t forget to ask about kids-ski-free and special family offers. Steamboat Springs, Colo., offers some kids-ski-free deals. And Keystone Resort, another family-friendly ski area, has a free “Keystone Collection of Values” coupon book worth more than $500 in savings. It is available by calling 800-222-0188.)

The up side is that ski resorts across the country are working harder than ever to design programs to teach kids to ski. Don’t bypass ski school either. Let the experts teach the kids and then you can reinforce what they’ve learned.

Besides, the kids will have more fun learning with a gang their own age. Mine always do. There are now kids-only sections at many ski areas like Keystone Resort and Beaver Creek, some complete with old west forts and storytellers who pop out of the woods, and enthusiastic instructors specially trained to teach the small fry.

If SKIwee is offered, that’s one sure sign the area caters to kids. The program, designed by SKI Magazine emphasizing learning through games, now is offered at more than 70 ski resorts across the country. (For a list, ask when you book your vacation or write SKIwee, 1881 Ninth St., Suite 335, Boulder, Colo. 80302.)

Other resorts have developed their own programs. Smugglers’ Notch in Vermont, which was voted the No. 1 Family Ski Resort by readers of Family Circle, is inaugurating a program this year to help parents who want to teach their children to ski. One game their instructors suggest is “airplane”: the kids ski down the hill, arms extended like airplanes.

When you’re checking out ski areas, ask if the instructors have chosen to teach children. Are the kids divided by age as well as ability?

Another important part of ski preparation: Make sure you’ve outfitted the kids properly. A child doesn’t need high-fashion outfits but he does need goggles (not cheap sunglasses), a warm hat, good waterproof mittens (not the dime store variety), waterproof pants and insulated socks. Go for a “neck gaiter,” a circular knit ski scarf that slips over the head like a turtleneck, instead of a long scarf (they get tangled). Remember, there’s nothing that makes a skier more miserable than being cold--and wet.

When you book, make sure to pick a place that will cater to your family’s skiing needs--and your wallet. With the kids along, you may not care about nightlife, for example, but you want to make sure the day-care center will take your infant. How close is your condo or hotel to the slopes?

After once lugging an exhausted preschooler and her equipment to the car following a hard day on the slopes, I’ve since opted to stay on the mountain even if it means renting a smaller condo or staying a day less. The entire trip is much more relaxing that way.

Remember to ask what kinds of indoor programs are available for the children. Even the most die-hard pint-sized skier may have an off day. Invariably, the two young skiers in our family spend at least one day inside with a cold or ear infection. But as long as they’ve got indoor games to play, they’re fine.

There have also been times when Matt and Reggie got cold and tired halfway through the afternoon and wanted to quit. We let them. (I was cold and tired too.)

The experts tell me I did exactly the right thing. It’s better to quit early, they say, than risk injury--or a crabby child.