A Board for the Beard, and Some Tips to Help Fill His Sack

Do you believe in Santa Claus? We do. That’s right, that portly goofy-footer from an elf-infested igloo is alive and well.

In fact, Santa is shredding his way toward Southern California as we speak.

Rumor has it that he likes to check out Orange County’s Gold Coast to see if it’s breaking.

Hey Dave.

Yeah, Fig.

What if Santa was a heavy-duty surfer? What size board would he ride?

Well, he weighs about 250 pounds, and with them black boots, he’ll need a long, long board, huh?

Riiiight! He definitely would need some foam. If he was in good shape he could get by on an eight-footer. But he’d probably be riding a nine-footer, say about 22 1/2 inches wide.

A nine-footer sounds right, Fig. The guy probably would be into these Pacific Northwest swells we’ve been having in Orange County that are generated in the Bering Sea.

If I was shaping it, I would make it with a long, raked back single fin and two small side fins. A thruster for Jolly Ol’ St. Nick. We’d put a smile on his face with some red pin stripes on the deck and extra graphite down the center of the board for extra strength to make it bulletproof for those Arctic swells.

Definitely North Pole surf conditions. We’d have to refer to Santa as venerable, as in venerable waterman.

For a wet suit, he’d probably be wearing a 5 mil (millimeters thick), and we’d make him look tough with full on hood, booties, gloves and Vaseline over his skin for even greater protection.

Do you think Santa can do aerials? You know, get some air?

Nah. I think he’s just a cruiser. But he’s got some reindeer power, so he’s probably gonna throw some tail out there and try to impress the little elves on the beach.

Cool. Say Fig, since tonight is Christmas Eve, do you have any last-minute gift ideas for the serious surfer?

Yeah, I got some double-star stocking stuffers. One idea allows you to create your own ID, and those are hats. Every major brand is making some killer hats right now.

You always wear a lid, don’t you, Fig?

Yeah, I love ‘em. Major surf clothing companies have jumped on them, including Soul, Stussy, Jamaican Style-- and for those who like to go for underground stuff, it’s Soul Patrol. And don’t forget Billabong and Quiksilver. Cost, $10 to 15.

And beanies are making a comeback. Not the kind with the propellers, but the watch caps. Definitely a bonus after surfing these cold December mornings when the water’s 56 degrees. Get out of the water, put it on and pull it over your ears and down to the back of your neck. Cost, $8 to 12.

How about a surf video?

Great idea. Billabong has just put one out, and Quiksilver always does one showing their top riders. But one of the hot videos still is “Session Impossible,” which came out during the summer. It’s by surf photographer Jeff Neu of San Clemente. Cost, $35.

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CONTESTS: Martin Potter, a.k.a. Pottz, took first in last week’s Sunset Beach Hard Rock Cafe contest, one of surfing’s richest contests: Pottz, 27, of Britain, took home $12,000. Second place was Vetea (Poto) David of Tahiti; third was Hawaiian power master Johnny Boy Gomes.

In fourth place was Taylor Knox, 20, of Carlsbad, who was the big story of the event because he went up against the heavyweights. Knox rode up the ladder by surviving heats with such top surfers as Todd Holland, Sunny Garcia, Gary Elkerton and Tony Muniz. Fig says the finals shaped up as one of the best. Surf was 9 to 12 feet.

Both Fig and I will be staying local for Christmas. Fig’s headed for his mom’s in Laguna Hills but may enjoy a morning session at Huntington’s Pier. I’m gonna eat my way through some tamales on Christmas Eve and then hunt for waves.

Merry Christmas. The Fig and I hope everyone gets a barrel Christmas Day.