You Can’t Tell the Amys Without a Scorecard

Frankly, a mere three docudramas about imprisoned teen-ager Amy Fisher airing within a week--on NBC, CBS and ABC--are insufficient. Just where is that commitment to exploitation of violent crime that television is increasingly famous for?

It’s true that Fisher sold her rights, and so did Joey Buttafuoco and his wife, Mary Jo, the woman Fisher was charged with attempting to murder. So did one of Fisher’s boyfriends, who says she wanted him to shoot Mary Jo. So did a People magazine reporter who covered the Fisher story. And so did another reporter who covered it, the New York Post’s Amy Pagnozzi.

Yet what about Fisher’s parents? Her aunt? Her high school principal? Mary Jo’s surgeon? Her hairdresser? The principal’s hairdresser? The reporters who covered the Fisher story for “Hard Copy” and “A Current Affair”? The families of those reporters?

All must have fascinating stories to tell, and Fox, HBO and Showtime are among the networks that should have pursued them for their own docudramas on the case. Thank goodness NBC’s “Dateline” news program was able to squeeze in an interview with Fisher in advance of the network’s movie about her case. But it appears that some networks (are you listening Fox, HBO and Showtime?) are getting a little big for their britches and forgetting that the people have a right to know everything--EVERYTHING!!!--about Amy Fisher and Joey Buttafuoco, the man she claims to have had an affair with.

Six Amy Fisher movies. Yes, that’s the absolute minimum required for telling this story.

Getting serious, meanwhile, viewers will have to be satisfied with only three. NBC’s “Amy Fisher: My Story” aired Monday. Weighing in opposite each other at 9 p.m. Sunday are ABC’s “The Amy Fisher Story” (Channels 7, 3 and 10) and CBS’ “Casualties of Love: The ‘Long Island Lolita’ Story” (Channels 2 and 8).

Because its producers secured her rights, the NBC movie was Fisher’s version of the case. Because the Buttafuocos sold their rights for the CBS “Fatal Attraction”-style movie, it tells their story, which largely contradicts Fisher’s story while at times making her almost a peripheral character. The ABC movie, which is often a confusing mishmash of flashbacks from numerous points of view, has Pagnozzi constantly criticizing the exploitative Fisher coverage of “Hard Copy” and other tabloids, as if the trashy tabloid she worked for, the New York Post, were any less predatory and did not produce its own screaming headlines about the case.

NBC’s Amy was played by Noelle Parker. The ABC Amy is Drew Barrymore, the CBS Amy Alyssa Milano. All are convincing as larcenous teen tarts. And Ed Marinaro (NBC), John Denison (ABC) and Jack Scalia (CBS) all look and sound like Italian-American New Yorkers named Joey. But it’s the CBS movie’s Mary Jo--Phyllis Lyons--who gives the most powerful performance in all three movies.

All three movies agree that Amy’s family was dysfunctional and that she was a pampered brat who became a teen hooker. They also agree that a 17-year-old Fisher was infatuated with 37-year-old Joey and got close to him by having him constantly repair her repeatedly damaged car, and that she shot Mary Jo in the head May 19, 1992, a crime for which she is now serving a 5-to-15-year prison term. But the movies disagree on many details.

* The Amys. The ABC and CBS Amys are unsympathetic snots. In the main, so was the NBC Amy, but not (remember, this was her version) as snotty as Joey.

* The shootings. The NBC shooting was accidental, with Amy inadvertently plugging Mary Jo while pistol whipping her. The CBS and ABC shootings are intentional.

* The Joeys. The NBC Joey was a smooth-talking philanderer who seduced Amy and manipulated her into being his emotional slave in a destructive sexual relationship. The CBS Joey is a not-too-bright lug who flirts a little but otherwise (this is the Buttafuoco account, remember) resists Amy’s aggressive sexual advances. He is the one victimized. The ABC Joey is somewhere in between, someone who either does or doesn’t manipulate and have an affair with Amy, depending on whose flashback you believe or whether you believe the flashbacks are reality or fantasy. Moreover, the NBC Joey knows about Amy’s plans to murder Mary Jo. The CBS Joey hasn’t a clue. And the ABC Joey doesn’t seem to, although, well, it gets very confusing.

* The Mary Jo’s. NBC’s Mary Jo made an appearance just long enough to get shot in the head. ABC’s Mary Jo is around longer, appearing to be tough-talking and rough-edged. The CBS Mary Jo is warm, effusive, loving and courageous (just why she ever fell for this lox Joey is baffling), and her laborious recovery from the shooting becomes the centerpiece of the film. In fact, it’s probably the most watchable component of all three films.

* The Parents. Amy’s parents are barely visible in the CBS movie, whose family emphasis is on Joey’s clan, including his father and brother. The NBC movie implied an incestuous relationship between Amy and her father, and the ABC Amy also insinuates that. Amy’s mother was a wimp in the NBC movie, and is equally weak in the ABC movie.

* The hookers. Amy is a hooker without much explanation in the CBS and ABC movies. The NBC Amy was encouraged to be a prostitute by Joey, and it’s he who appears to have given her herpes. The CBS Joey is innocent of the herpes, because he’s never slept with Amy. The ABC movie is ambiguous.

* The conclusions. The NBC Amy ends up being a foolishly impulsive kid who got mixed up with the wrong guy. The CBS Amy is a vicious criminal. The ABC Amy is, again, somewhere in between.

Meanwhile, here are some conclusions you can draw from these movies: (1) Amy Fisher was a bad driver; (2) Docudramas should be viewed with skepticism, and (3) A tabloid show executive has it right in the ABC movie when he observes about the cynical opportunism implicit in all the media attention to Fisher’s story, “We’re all whores. . . . We’re just trying to make a buck.”