Out of the Mouths of Kindergartners--Astute Definitions
Every year, during the holiday break, Joan Maturko, a dedicated kindergarten teacher at the Jefferson School in Redondo Beach, issues a list of definitions produced by her pupils.
Maturko asks them to define the same words every year, that way finding whether kindergartner’s grasp of the language changes from year to year. She has found at least one constant. The word debate is almost invariably defined as “what you fish with.”
I would have thought that, exposed as they must have been to the presidential debates, her kids might have come closer to the real meaning of the word.
On the other hand, perhaps “what you fish with” is not a bad definition of debate. Surely the candidates were doing more fishing than debating.
On the whole, the pupils’ definitions show how difficult language is; at the same time, they show how ingenious young minds are in dealing with its complexities.
For example, their definitions for the word marriage : “When you marry somebody. . . . When you have a wedding. . . . When you love somebody and you’re going to get married.”
Those definitions seem to deal with the ceremony, rather than the institution. That suggests that they are too young to grasp the true meaning of marriage. One wonders, though, will they ever?
How would you define marriage ? A cynic might call it an agreement between two incompatible people; to cohabit in perpetuity.
Very often the kindergartners define a word with the word itself, which of course isn’t kosher. For example, “Accident: If you did something on purpose and it was an accident.”
Still, there is a twist in that one. The kid seems to be suggesting that when you do something deliberately, and it turns out bad, you can say it was an accident. We’re all familiar with that dodge.
Sometimes they are misled by words that sound like other words. Adore is defined as “You go out of it and you go in of it; it can open.”
The concept of adoration has not had time to develop.
They fail completely to grasp the meaning of some words. Bachelor is defined as “When you put your back to the other person’s back; when you walk backward.”
When you consider the customs of our society, though, a bachelor may be thought of as a person who walks backward. I doubt, though, that the kindergartner’s definitions were that sophisticated.
Their definitions of detective are not too far off the mark, probably because of their familiarity with the breed through television. “Someone that has a microscope and a magnifying glass; someone that looks for someone and clues; someone saves a kid.” You’ve got a plot right there.
Their definitions for eclipse show how difficult the language really is. “It’s a car; when you clip somebody’s nails; when you have two pieces of paper and you want to clip them together you use an eclipse.”
Well, you define eclipse . I’d say, “Eclipse is when something gets in the way of the moon.”
Their definitions for dishonest are interesting: “You’re not nice; you’re guilty.” One is left with the thought that many of our politicians are not nice.
They seem to understand embarrass : “You did something and you’re embarrassed; you do something silly in front of people; when someone laughs and you don’t want to laugh.”
I like that last one. It hits embarrassed on the nose.
Their definitions of family suggest how hard that word is to define. “Everybody you know; people live together; you get together; you’re nice to somebody.”
Assuming that most kindergartners are members of families, they don’t yet seem quite to understand that phenomenon. Of course, families aren’t what they used to be. “People live together” is pretty close.
Their concept of genius reminds me of my relationship with my videocassette recorder. “When you turn on a machine and it works.” Finally, after three months of frustration and exasperating trial and error, when I turn on my new VCR it works. Is that genius?
They seem to understand germ: “Those little things that get you sick; if you touch someone you’ll give him germs; it’s something yucky.”
Evidently Maturko didn’t ask the little tykes to define condom, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it turns up next year. Amazing. When I started at The Times you couldn’t even get the word in the paper. Now it’s in headlines.
Maturko’s kids certainly understand jealousy . “You used to be someone’s friend and they picked a new friend; when someone’s pretty and you want to be as pretty; someone’s smarter than you are.”
What could be a more exquisite example of jealousy than “‘Someone’s smarter than you are”?
Ain’t it the truth.
