The Problem Is Putting Can Drive You to Drink

There are always innovations in golf equipment. However, according to the latest issue of Golf Shop Operations, half of the 300 submissions to the U.S. Golf Assn. didn’t make the cut.

Some of the nonconforming items include a whiskey-filled putter, a putter on wheels, a putter with a shoehorn grip and a doughnut-shaped putter.

The thing about the whiskey-filled putter: It’s no cure for four-putting.

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Trivia time: Identify a former Laker coach who was an FBI agent in the early 1950s.

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English lesson: Boris Becker told Tennis magazine of his first match with John McEnroe, shortly after Becker won Wimbledon in 1985 at the age of 17.

“John was going nuts on the changeovers,”’ Becker said. “He was crossing the post right in front of me, saying, ‘You blankety blank little blank, what do you think you’re doing out here, acting like you’re some kind of player?’

“I was scared, shaking, wondering what is wrong with this guy. Later, I realized John was just teaching me my first words in English.”

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Joe who? Buffalo wide receiver Don Beebe said recently that “Frank Reich is the best backup quarterback in the league.”

Has Beebe ever heard of Joe Montana?

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Gone, but . . . : Dan Shaughnessy of the Boston Globe, reminiscing about personalities who left the Boston sports scene in 1992:

--Wade Boggs: “As the days go by, his place in (Red) Sox history will grow. They’re going to miss his 200 hits and 100 runs. And we’ll all miss the wacky words that so often came out of his mouth. Boggs will be larger in legend than he was in reality.”

--Victor Kiam: “Few wept when old razor face sold out in May. But we still chuckle when we see those Santa commercials.”

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The envelope, please: Dan Barreiro of The Star Tribune of Minneapolis on some awards of dubious distinction in 1992:

--”The Once an Idiot, Always an Idiot award goes to Steve Howe for having the gall to petition the courts for an eighth chance to screw up. Go, Steve, go. We know you can do it.”

--”The Jack Tatum Waiting to Happen Award goes to Packers’ safety Chuck Cecil, the Bleeding Assassin who always takes the cheap shot and always makes sure that the cut on his nose opens up so the TV cameras can get their earthy shots of his bleeding proboscis.”

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Streaking in reverse: Fred Carter, a Philadelphia assistant coach, was a member of the 1972-73 76er team that won only nine games. Earlier, he said he didn’t think that the Dallas Mavericks would break the 76ers’ record for ineptitude.

He has changed his mind now that Dallas is 2-30.

“It doesn’t look good for them,” Carter said. “I think they’re going to do it, and then I don’t think it will ever happen again.”

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Trivia answer: Joe Mullaney.

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Quotebook: From former pitcher Phil Niekro, after falling 40 votes short of being inducted into the Hall of Fame: “Maybe 318 wins aren’t enough. Maybe I’ll have to go out and win some more games.”