Don’t blame the First Daughter: Even if...

Don’t blame the First Daughter: Even if you’re angry with President Clinton’s economic plan, go easy on his kid. That’s the message on a T-shirt produced by Don’t Panic! a West Hollywood store. It says: “Leave Chelsea Alone.”

The store’s snappiest one-liner, however, is a T-shirt message backing the right of gays to serve in the military: “I Don’t Have to Sleep With a Woman to Fight Like a Man.”

Readin’, ritin’ and . . . what? United Teachers-Los Angeles needs a math tutor, judging from the Bart Simpsonesque boo-boo in its Feb. 11 newsletter (see excerpt). Especially since it’s time for contract negotiations.

List of the Day: Some obscure landmarks in the Civic Center:

* Frank Flint Fountain. Named for an early-century U.S. senator (and founder of Flintridge), the fountain on the City Hall lawn has been dry since a street person drowned in it years ago.

* Statue of Christopher Columbus. A pint-sized tribute, it was contributed to the County Mall by Italian-Americans, who say they were instructed to make sure it was shorter than the nearby sculpture of George Washington.

* “Topographic Map of Water Sources of County of L.A.” A sculpture by Joseph Young, it’s on the north side of the Hall of Records building on Temple Street. Try to find the L.A. River.

* Pedestrian bridge. A crumbling, 103-year-old structure that once spanned the railroad tracks east of Chinatown, it was the escape route of bad guy Alan Ladd in the 1942 movie, “This Gun for Hire.”

* Gilbert Lindsay Mall. Named after the late city councilman, it’s a small plaza at the end of an alley off 2nd Street in Little Tokyo.

* The Numbered Trees. Spectators climbing into City Hall’s trees during sports celebrations prompted the city to daub the trunks with numbers from 1 through 30. That way, police could direct paramedics to a specific tree if a fan fell. (A great idea except L.A. doesn’t seem to have world champions anymore.)

* The old County Engineers Building (see photo). Known as the Higgins Building earlier this century, it was once occupied by prominent lawyers and businessmen. Now, the nine-story Edwardian skyscraper at 108 W. 2nd St. “is a derelict, long abandoned, with rusting iron barricades blocking its once-stately marble entrance,” write the authors of “Bread and Hyacinths--the Rise and Fall of Utopian Los Angeles.”

The most famous resident was trial lawyer Clarence Darrow, who took a ninth-floor office in 1911 when he came West to defend the McNamara brothers, the defendants in the L.A. Times bombing case.

The county sold it years ago. Jay Markoff, identified as the current owner by property records, could not be reached for comment on whether he plans to upgrade the eyesore.

Thought for the day: Maria Calleia notes that Bloom Service, a Studio City floral shop, displays a sign that says: “Diamonds Only Last Forever--Send Something That Dies.”

miscelLAny:

Possessions of Richard Nixon on display at the Nixon Museum in Yorba Linda include two Colt .45 pistols--plus seven silver bullets--from (the late) Elvis Presley, a telegram from Bob Hope and a medallion that says “Peace and Love” from Sammy Davis Jr.