Just how far out do they think...

Just how far out do they think California is? Helen Morris of Torrance inquired about subscribing to an Ohio-based magazine and was told, in a return letter: “The foreign rates are: 1 year at $92.94 . . . “

The magazine: Education Week.

No Mighty Ducks around here, pal: Capitol Records’ ad in Rolling Stone states that Paul McCartney will appear on April 17 in Los Angeles. Actually, he will be at Anaheim Stadium. Same foreign country, though.

Fun reading: The title of one article in Los Angeles Lawyer magazine is: “Cruise Ship Accidents.”

The latest buzz: Erika Vincz walked into the crowded Houston restaurant in Manhattan Beach, gave her name to the maitre d’ and was handed what looked like a beeper.

“They said: ‘You’ll feel it vibrate when your table’s ready,”’ Vincz said. “I said: ‘Excuse me?’ ”

Vincz stepped outside and, sure enough, felt a small jolt a few minutes later.

Houston manager Maretta Anderson explained that the “patron pager” eliminates the need for a noisy overhead p.a. system as well as “confusion over whether people’s names have been called.”

And, for the patron who attaches the pager to the belt, it allows him or her to fantasize about being a doctor. Except that a doctor probably wouldn’t wait for a table.

City Council is in session? Sure, confidence in government continues to fall. But it seemed like a cheap shot for construction workers to put a “caution” sign beneath the City Hall offices (see photo).

A real squares’ dance: The Pasadena Weekly’s Dan O’Heron reported the sighting of this sign at a local nightclub:

For the Convenience of Our Patrons

We have purse searches and metal detectors

We’re sure it’s high-tech: Bean, of KROQ radio’s Kevin & the . . . team, contributed the coupon of a Hancock Park dry cleaner, which touts the revolutionary flod process (see excerpt, whatever that is).

Definition of a severe rainstorm: For Ingrid Wilmot of Rancho Palos Verdes, it’s the resulting grass that is popping through some carpet that she left outdoors. Just flod it a few times, Ingrid.

miscelLAny:

John Wilcock writes in “The Insight Guide to Los Angeles” that motorist-oriented dating services, in which drivers link up by their license numbers, include the Freeway Singles Club, Tail-Dating and Drive Me Wild.