A Few Thoughts on Catalina, Karaoke and Craziness

The following bite-size morsels come with an expiration date of midnight tonight:

* Wake me up when they decide what to do about the El Toro air station.

* If Mark Hilbun isn’t insane, why did he shoot a guy whom everyone described as one of his friends?

* Here’s a bet we’ll never settle: If nothing else about their lives were switched but their birth dates, I’ll bet you anything that if Bill Clinton had been born in 1924 he would have served in World War II, and that if George Bush had been born in 1946 he never would have served in Vietnam.

* I must be really behind the times, but I didn’t know they had compact disc-sized machines that play the music and display lyrics on a small screen, so you can sing along at home just like in a karaoke bar.

* What? Los Angeles County claims Santa Catalina Island? It sits off the coast of Orange County, and the island’s profile is even part of Huntington Beach’s city seal. Can’t we find a few good men to go get it for us?

* When guys spray the paint over their bald spot to make it look like real hair, aren’t they a little concerned about a new date’s reaction the first time she discovers the cover-up?

* I don’t have any interesting hobbies. Worse yet, I don’t want any.

* In the past several months, I’ve had at least three dreams in which I’ve spoken directly to a cat, and the cat replied.

* A Coral Springs, Fla., woman publishes a Bachelor Book for women, featuring photos and information of single men across the country. A Newsday article says requests for copies have been pouring in and circulation has reached 90,000. The article cites 1992 U.S. Census Bureau figures showing there are 85 single men of marriageable age for every 100 women.

* Here’s a recent headline I never thought I’d see: “Vietnam: Land of Promise.”

* A man identifying himself as a junior high teacher said last week at the Crystal Cathedral forum on drugs that many teachers support a new approach (Translation: relaxing of criminal sanctions) to drug policy but are afraid of speaking out.

* Not that I don’t need help, but I’ll never get into the self-improvement guys on TV.

* Someone who’s in a position to know told me recently of an average-sized Orange County high school that has about 30 pregnant girls. The sad part is, I don’t know if that figure is even considered high or low these days.

* I’m sick of Ross Perot all over again. On the other hand, I have a perverse desire to see him as President, just to say ‘I told you so’ to his supporters.

* More Hilbun: Just the couple days he was on the loose reminds me of when I was a kid in central Nebraska in the late ‘50s and Charles Starkweather was on his murderous rampage. There was a statewide alert and my recollection was that people locked their doors until Starkweather was caught.

* I saw “Indecent Proposal” after the initial wave of hype had died down. Thought it could have addressed some intriguing questions but instead turned out to be one of the worst movies I’ve seen in a long time.

* I like the Pond as the name for the new Anaheim hockey rink. It’s no wimpier than the “Garden,” which opened in New York in 1934. What I’m saying is, come back in about 2015, and the Pond will be spoken of with reverence.

* Hey, have you ever noticed that the top of that big mountain down south looks like the back of a saddle?

* When I was in high school, principals hated the idea of letting anyone know there were any problems on campus. I guess principals’ willingness today to use drug-sniffing dogs on campus sort of means those days are gone forever, huh?

* Final Hilbun: Just wondering how and when did he get his handgun? Gun supporters keep telling us that the Republic was built on faith in the individual. Isn’t the evidence fairly convincing that when it comes to guns, too many people can’t be trusted with them?

* Eat your hearts out, local Chicago sports fans (and you know who you are). Unless there was a plane crash, I spent Thursday night at the Bulls-Cavs playoff game in Chicago and Friday afternoon at Wrigley Field.

Dana Parsons’ column appears Wednesday, Friday and Sunday. Readers may reach Parsons by writing to him at The Times Orange County Edition, 1375 Sunflower Ave., Costa Mesa, Calif. 92626, or calling (714) 966-7821.