There’s No Rest for 3-Time Bridesmaid

My three best women friends are getting married this summer. Now that the excitement of hearing their news has died down, I find myself faced with the grim prospect of being left alone in dating hell.

Alone, except for the multicolored bridesmaid dresses that now hang in my tiny closet.

It started after Christmas when my friends called one by one to share their joyous news.

I found myself feeling more single than ever. I realized there would be no more sleep-overs, no more girls-only weekends to Palm Springs or nights out to meet young men in yuppie bars. I could see friendships crumbling.

After the initial shock, I got a grip and reminded myself that life was too short to wallow in self-pity. Besides, I had a lot to celebrate because I was asked to be a bridesmaid by all three.

“How can you afford to do it?” a friend questioned when I told her about the multitude of weddings on my calendar. “Why do you have so many friends who are having traditional weddings?”

There’s a simple explanation. Being a member of the twenty-something set myself, I know there’s a renewed interest in having a big wedding filled with the traditional pomp and circumstance.

But that traditional fantasy doesn’t come cheap. A ‘90s-style wedding can cost almost as much as one of President Clinton’s inaugural bashes. And if you follow the trickle-down theory of economics, then you know these expenses have a way of making their way to the bridesmaids’ pocketbooks, too.

I’m still smarting from buying the essentials. Items for each wedding include stockings, shoes, earrings, special bras and slips that don’t show here and there, all of which I will probably never wear again. This is not to mention purchasing wedding presents, airline tickets, hotel rooms and rental cars for some of these gala events.

I figure these weddings will cost me well over $1,000 and I’m not even a bride.

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As a first-time bridesmaid, I had thought my only responsibilities were to make sure the bride gets to the church on time, to keep her spirits up and to interject some humor into stressful moments.

Boy, was I wrong.

The stress began with the dress ordeal at a snobby bridal salon in Torrance where I went to be measured and fitted for one of the dresses.

“I’m sorry but since you are not the bride, I don’t have a sales associate available to wait on you,” said a snippy clerk. “However, you are more than welcome to look at the bridesmaids dresses.”

As any wedding shopper knows, there are racks and racks of these frilly dresses. After several moments of being unable to locate the $180 dress the bride had specified, I asked a passing saleswoman for help.

“Oh, that particular designer makes our low-end dresses,” she said, pointing to the darkest corner of the store.

Total humiliation set in. I resorted to having a friend take the measurements and asked the bride to order the dress without seeing it first.

The day the dress arrived at my office, I realized this was a dress that had to be seen to be believed. It was neon pink with puffy sleeves, bows and a plunging neckline. As one colleague quickly commented: “You could always double as the tooth fairy.”

The other dresses are not much better. The matronly dress with a floral print could be made into curtains for my kitchen. The prettiest of the three is sexy, long on elegance and short on material. It is also inappropriate for a church. Midnight blue, it has a neckline that plunges toward the navel and your basic Versace bondage straps. Just the thing the monsignor ordered.

As far as I know, there isn’t a support group for bridesmaids. It would be nice to commiserate. Perhaps this would be a good opportunity to thank my roommate, friends and colleagues for listening to me rant about weddings during the past few months.

But, despite my endless conversations about bridesmaid dresses, shoes and flowers, there is one compelling reason why I agreed to be a bridesmaid.

It’s friendship. These are women who know some of my deepest secrets. We’ve shared life’s ups and downs for a very long time and just because they are getting married doesn’t mean it all must come to an end. I like to think of myself as the friend who keeps on giving even though there’s now a husband on the scene.

Who knows--maybe he will have a few single friends.