L.A. SPEAK

Phrases that valets toss off when you toss them your keys: baby car: n . a vehicle sporting the telltale smell of an infant occupant. “There was no car seat in there, but that was a baby car for sure. “ charmer: n . a car that’s seen better days. “Three Beemers and a Mercedes come in here, then a charmer with no bumper.” doing the squeeze: v. parking a large car in a small space. Also: threading the needle. “Did you see me do the squeeze with that Caddy?” getter: n . a car ready to be delivered to a driver. “That blue Expo over there is a getter. “ Mr. Don’t-Ding-My-Door: n . a driver who’s made a special request for caution and care. stacking the deck: v. parking the nicest cars in the most visible spots, both to make the establishment look good and to coax good tips out of presumably prosperous customers. teaching Muhammad Ali to fight: v. when a customer insists on showing a parking professional where his alarm switch is, how to get the key out of the lock and how to adjust the steering wheel for an easier exit. “That guy took so long because he was teaching Muhammad Ali to fight. “