Helter Swelter, It’s Hot Back East

It was a 100-degree punchline to an age-old straight line: How hot was it?

It was too hot to sell ice cream. Mohammed Hassan’s brow dripped with sweat as he stood by his ice cream cart at 52nd Street and 5th Avenue. He had frozen fruit pops, lemon ices, chocolate and vanilla delights. What he didn’t have was customers.

“When it’s too hot, nobody buys ice cream,” he said, mopping his forehead in record 100-degree heat. “You need medium hot. Nobody wants to come out of their building in weather like this.”

Philadelphia Phillies baseball players cooled their heels at Veterans Stadium, where the artificial turf can reach 130 degrees, by standing in boxes filled with crushed ice.

Rita Mendoza used sprinklers and fans to keep the cows cool at Oak Hill Farm Dairy in Leesburg, Ga. “The cows get stressed out. They want to mope and take it easy just like humans.”

It was sizzling all along the East Coast. The National Weather Service reported heat indexes of 100 to 115 degrees throughout the region, and forecast more of the same for today. Among temperature records broken or tied Thursday were 105 in Newark, N.J., 103 in Baltimore, and 102 in Richmond, Va.

How hot was it? New York Post funnyman Joey Adams exclaimed: “It was so hot, Grant’s Tomb had the front door open.”